Watching
by LunaNotLoony
Summary: Mary Macdonald is crazy about James Potter, but he only had eyes for Lily. Mary might as well be a ghost for all he cares. The only time he'll look at her is when he realises about Snape. -Disclaimer: don't own Harry Potter- Currently on Hiatus
1. Prologue

**A/N: Now this is the PROLOGUE, so it isn't the most eventful. It will get more exciting, so please don't quit till you've read the first chapter as well.**

"I hate him!" Lily screamed.

"Really?" said Reese. "I didn't know."

"He's just so- URGH!" Lily threw her hands in the air in despair. "You don't get it, do you?"

"So, what did he do this time?" Reese asked with interest.

"It was horrible!" Lily moaned. "I just walked into the Great Hall, and it was all covered in pink flowers."

"Ah, valentine's day," Reese said, nodding.

"It was vile!" Lily said. "Completely disgusting. And there were these tacky gold stars raining on me and the most disgusting banner ever."

"Really?" Reese said.

"Yes, really, it made me puke!" Lily pressed on, shaking her head. "And these nasty little white plastic flowers kept hitting me on the head, it hurt actually, and I looked around, wondering what the hell was happening. Everyone was staring at me, and some were jeering and some ahhhing, and then I realised."

"It was James, so you kicked him, hexed him, yelled at him, and left him standing there like a complete dork, mouth open, looking completely betrayed?" Reese suggested.

"Nah, she grabbed his broom and hit him over the head with it," Mary said mournfully.

"Good idea," Reese said, mouth twitching. "Bit more original."

"Yes, and you," Lily said, rounding on Mary. "Started trying to pull me off him! What was-."

"Well, I was a bit sorry for him," Mary said, sighing. "He's really, really obsessed with you."

"You needn't look so envious," Lily said. "I'd give anything for him to fall for some other girl."

"It was so sweet, though," Mary said.

"Sweet?" Lily burst out. "That pink... it was revolting, simply revolting!"

"Oh, don't be such a diva," Mary snapped. "You know, most girls would give anything to create so much devotion in a boy."

"Yes, and so would I," Lily snapped. "For any nice, normal, modest, friendly boy! But James Potter isn't mean, weird, arrogant, and unfriendly!"

"Does Chad Ali count as-," Reese began.

"Chad is OK," Lily said. "He's nice, but I don't think I'd want him as anything more than a friend."

"Yeah, you're destined for James," Mary grumbled.

"Destined for Potter?" Lily said, laughing loudly. "Of coarse I'm not! Talking of being destined for anyone, Mary, how's it going with-."

"Cassien asked me out," Mary said and Lily squealed. "And I turned him round," she said firmly.

"What- are you mad?" Lily cried. "You love him!"

"No, I really don't," Mary said, sadly. "I was just pretending, Lily. The boy I love... it would never work."

"I don't believe that," Lily said briskly. "Who is it?"

Mary shook her head mutely.

"He'll never think of me as more than a friend," she said.

"I wish Potter would think of me as a friend," Lily said, after a few moments. "We have opposite boy problems, don't we, Mary?"

She nodded silently, and left the room.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Chapters will alternate from no point of view of Mary's point of view.**

_It gets harder and harder to listen. It gets harder and harder to watch too, when he is so completely in love with her. Today, he asked her out, in the most beautiful and romantic way. I knew that he had spent four hours working on it, and he asked me to help, though I could barely do it. When the first people came into the hall, for dinner, he pushed them to the side, promising them he'd pay them to say silent. He was daring them to laugh at his efforts, I know, but I thought it was the least funny thing I had ever seen. Severus Snape tried to ruin it, when he came in, but James was too quick for him, and hexed him, and threw all the Slytherins to the other side of the room. And he was doing it for Lily. Just for Lily._

_The Slytherins were furious, they would try to attack him at the next opportunity, and James knew it. He did it for Lily though. Snape looked so bitter, lying in the corner, I actually felt sorry for him. Long ago, he was Lily's friend, but she broke it off. Although she hates him now, and I should hate him too, because he and his friends once attacked me, I can only pity him. James hates him, Lily hates him, and all he has for friends are Slytherins, and it's obvious they aren't who he wants. I know who he wants, because he looks at her, in the same way I sometimes look at James. I try not to though... if they knew, nothing would ever be the same again. Lily would be horrified, and I think James would be too._

_Anyway... For a moment, when Lily came in, I though I was going to cry. I knew why James loved her; she looked beautiful. When James flew in, his hair adorably messy, I don't know how she did it. He's perfect._

"_Hey, Lily," he said breathlessly, landing, and tears were welling up in my eyes, just watching. Shit, I knew James' was about to have his heart broken, and I didn't know whether I wanted it or not. I turned away, and stared down at the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see James running his hand though his hair. It was as messy as it always was, and my heart was lurching in my throat._

"_Are you serious?" I heard Lily ask, and a snigger rose from the watching crowd._

"_Lily, I love you," James blurted, and my head snapped up to look at him._

"_What?" Lily said, and by now everyone was muffling laughter._

"_I... god, do you want to go me, then?" James said, and I ground my teeth together. I didn't want to see what happened then, but it was intriguing, the way horror movies are intriguing, and I couldn't pull my eyes away._

"_NO!" Lily shouted, backing away, as if James was infectious. "Potter, how many times do I have to tell you, you are an arrogant toerag, and I wouldn't ever- ever go near you with a bargepole!"_

_The hall was laughing properly now, hands over their mouths, some of them, over's just giggling openly. It made me angry._

_Lily pulled his broom from his grasp, and drew it back. There was a deafening crunch as the broom hit his head, and he gave a gasp of shock. And again. And again. I ran forward, tackling the broom off her, but I was being stupid. Sirius Black reached, almost lazily, for his wand, drew it and said, 'accio'. Lily swung round as the broom shot out of her hand, then stormed away._

**A/N: Please review, particularly on whether you think Mary's too much of a Mary Sue (Oh yeah... she's a Mary), or whether Mary's point of view is too fluffy.**


	3. Chapter 2

"One day," Lily said. "Potter is going to get a girlfriend."

"Ten galleons that that girlfriend will be you," Reese said, in a businesslike tone.

"James has had girlfriends before," Mary reminded them.

"Like who?" Lily said.

"Like, er, what's it, Madeline Walker," Mary said.

"Her?" Lily said, laughing. "Come on, Mary, he was just trying to make me jealous!"

"Yeah, he was," Mary said, sounding strangely defeated. "But she was still a girlfriend."

"Whatever," Lily said.

"And he went out with Alice Prewett, and Aimee Mercer," Mary added.

"What?" Lily said. "Alice was a just a fling... he was completely drunk, and so was Al. They went on one date after that, but it was so awkward, and anyway, Al was dating Frank, there was no harmony anyway... and Aimee... James never liked her really."

"Lily Evans, are you jealous?" Reese said.

"No!" Lily said, looking horrified.

"You fancy him," Mary said slowly.

There was a silence, and then Lily blushed pink.

"Just a bit," she agreed.

**A/N: Sorry, I know it's a pathetic excuse for a chapter, but I wanted to put something up. Again, please review!**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you, KBerry for reviewing! You are amazing! I'd only put the story up two minutes earlier! I'll try and make James more smug.**

_James was shaking, as she slammed the door behind her. A few people, who had been laughing, started to look awkward, and walked out. From the other side of the hall, Sirius, Remus and Peter sauntered over... well Sirius sauntered; the other two actually did look worried._

"_She turned me down..." James whispered. "Again, again, Sirius."_

_Why did he have to talk to Sirius? I was here too._

"_Hey," Sirius said. "They'll be other girls."_

"_But Lily's amazing!" James wailed. I wish Lily could see this, know that she had made James Potter cry. "Though she is cute when she's angry."_

"_Sorry, James," I whispered._

"_Mary?" James said, looking at me in surprise. "Why- what are you-?"_

_I think the hurt showed on my face._

"_Not that I don't want you," he said quickly. "But this, this is a guy thing. Only marauders allowed!"  
I wanted to say something like: 'I always thought being turned down and dates were girl things, you know' but because I'm Mary Macdonald, I just nod and walk in the other direction. I trip slightly over a Slytherin boy. Snape! _

"_Are you going to leave the Slytherins lying here?" I ask._

"_Yeah, of coarse," Sirius said, giving me a confused look._

"_Oh," I said. "Right."_

_Looking down at them, I feel that stab of pity again and say:_

"_I'm going to release them."_

_Nobody's paying me any attention so I'm not sure they here what I say anyway. I drop to my knees and slice Snape's ropes. He lunges for his wand, but I'm quicker. Like a flash, I whip his wand from the ground, and point mine at his throat, a mad unexplainable anger controlling me. He groans, the point of my wand cutting into his neck, and leans back, face even paler than normal._

"_Get off me, Mudblood," he hisses, trying to scramble to his feet._

"_What did you call me?" I snap, pushing him backwards. _

"_I-."_

"_No wonder your precious Lily Evans hates your blood," I taunt, digging wand deeper into his flesh. "No wonder she stopped talking to you. She only did in the first place, because she pitied you."_

_It's a strange way to teat someone you pity, I think, pin them to the ground at a wandpoint. _

"_DON'T SAY SHE PITIED ME!" Snape bellows. "You coward!"_

"_Coward, am I?" I spit. "Get up! GET UP!"_

_He pushes himself to his feet, and I never let my wandpoint leave his throat, and I half drag him out of the great hall._

"_What do you want?" he said, as I let a stinging jinx hit him between the eyes, but he presses his lips tightly together and no sound escapes._

"_I want- I- whatever-," I say, and lower my wand. He gapes at me. Suddenly, I hate myself, for being such a bully, and I throw him his wand. Amazing, he catches it, and I collapse, throwing my wand to the floor._

"_You could attack me now," I say. "You've got a wand."_

_He doesn't. "What do you want?" he repeats._

_I sigh, because I really have no idea, or at least, no idea where Snape comes in._

"_Do you love Lily?" I rush._

_He clearly thinks I'm planning on humiliating him. "And you love Potter," he sneers._

_My mouth falls open. "Is it obvious?" I ask._

"_Painfully," he says, delighted to see me so horrified._

"_If you tell anyone," I threaten. "I'll- I'll-."_

"_Tell people about Lily?" Snape says. "I won't. I'm not stupid."_

_I stare at him, and giggle. _

"_What?"_

"_You're a Slytherin!" I gasp. "A sneaky, stinking Slytherin! Why am I talking to you?"_

"_And you're a Gryffindor!" he laughs. "A no-good, giggling Gryffindor!"_

_I giggle again- I can't believe it, I'm laughing with a Slytherin._

"_Ooh, I like you!" I giggle, then clap my hand over my mouth in horror._

"_Yeah, you seem OK," he says, then adds. "For a Gyffindor."_

"_And you aren't too evil," I chime in. "Since you're a Slytherin."_

_We sit, staring at each other, and then we laugh._

A/N: So Mary and Snape are friends. Bet you didn't expect that! Please review... do you think that them making friends was unrealistic?


	5. Chapter 4

"Ooh, look, the post's here," Mary said, looking up.

"I've got an owl!" Lily said in surprise. She was muggle-born, and had programmed her phone to work in Hogwarts, so normally her parents just rang her. "Who's sent me a letter?"

"Let's see," Mary said. "No, it's addressed to you and everything. Open it."

Curious, Lily opened the letter, and froze. In seconds, her face had turned grey, like the colour of old parchment.

"What is it?" Reese said. "What's the matter?"

Lily made a horrible screeching noise, and began to rip the letter into pieces.

"Lily, what's the matter?" May said, horrified.

"No!" Lily said. "Go! Go away! You- go-."

And, tearing the letter up again, Lily charged from the room, her breathing ragged.

"What's the matter with her," James said, his hand in his hair. "I only grinned at her... even Lily should be able to survive that."

"I don't know!" Mary said sharply. "James... help, I don't know what happened."

"She had a letter," Reese said, who was very pale too. "And then she screamed, and ran."  
"It was probably a love letter from James," Sirius said. "That normally makes her scream."

"Oh, shut up, Lily's hurt, this is serious," James snapped. Everyone stared at him- he never normally snapped at Sirius.

"Oh, James!" Mary suddenly yelped. "You're a amazing person, James, you know!"

Snape, who was watching from the other side of the hall, snorted, got up and left, hoping to find Lily. Perhaps, if Lily forgave him, James would agree to date Mary, after she gone and declared he love for him. He hoped he did; it would make Mary happy. But more than that, he _needed_ to comfort Lily.

Mary rushed at James, throwing her arms wide, and hugged him passionately.

"Mary!" James said shocked, stumbling back, but Mary didn't notice.

"I- I love you, James," she whispered, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. A wonderful joy exploded inside her as she said those words, and she felt like the world was singing with happiness.

"What?" James said, roughly pushing her arms off. "You- what- no- Lily-."  
"Lily can wait, just for a moment," Mary muttered. "James- oh god- _James_- do you want to go out with me?"

"NO!" James said, horrified, taking another step back. "Mary, I just can't! I'd never go out with you! I love Lily!" (**A/N: yes, this is deliberately similar to the james/lily conversation earlier)**

"But..." May seemed to be deflating, her eyes filling with tears. "No?"

"No way," James said, breathing deeply. "Sorry, but..."

Mary swallowed. A tightness seemed to be strangling her lungs, she couldn't breathe, and she felt like she was dying. After all her effort, her dreams, her passion, when she'd finally forced up the painful courage to ask... James liked the one girl in the school who'd turn him down. Why Lily? Why did she deserve it? She humiliated him, she deliberately tried to hut him, and she knew James loved her, but she didn't even try to be kind. She was a horrible person. Horrible. It wasn't fair. Mary couldn't speak, and what made it a thousand times worse was that James looked embarrassed, shocked... he'd never speak to her normally again.

There was only one thing to do. Shaking, Mary dug out her wand and pointed it into James' face.

"Obliviate," she said, almost calmly.

His face clouded over and he blinked. Mary was proud of the spell. It was perfectly pitched

"Where's Lily?" he said. "I've got to find her... I love her."

Her heart breaking in two, Mary turned. She could see the teachers peering down at her, eyes wide, and she raised an eyebrow. Dumbledore smiled- and it was the saddest smile she'd ever seen.

"Obliviate," she said, pointing it at Sirius, then Reese, then Remus and Peter, and then down the middle of the Gryffindor table. All shocked expressions faded. Nobody knew, but Severus, of coarse, and the teachers. She didn't quite dare try and wipe their memories.

"I love Lily," James said quietly. "Where is she?"

Mary didn't speak.

"She left," Sirius reminded him, blinking. "She was crying, and she left."

With surprising speed, James ran from the room, and the others glancing awkwardly at each other followed. Well, Mary didn't. She just stood for nearly a minute, quite motionless, before turning and following too.

**A/N: Mary is a bit OTT, I know but she has to be for the chapter to flow.**


	6. Chapter 5

_Why did I do that? Why did I have to be such an idiot? I wish I could talk to Sev, but he's not here? Where is he? Did he see? Was he watching Lily? But then who will find Lily first? If it's James, Lily can't stay furious, can she? I love James, I want James to be happy? But Sev's a friend? And what happened to Lily, anyway. Is she alright? Oh god, oh god. I hate Lily, but she's a friend. It's not her fault. I love James._

_Slowly, thinking of all the times, Lily had been a great friend, and laughed and helped me through dark times... and life was getting darker with Voldemort on the loose... I left. I couldn't really hate Lily._

_I wonder where she is. It was raining, I was certain she'd be inside... perhaps, the astronomy tower. She always liked to sit on the bench, peering out onto the lake, sometimes whistling a tune. My heart beating fast, I turned and ran that way. A few times, I saw Reese, Remus, and Peter running in circles, looking confused, frightened, tired. A huge gust of wind nearly blew me off my feet as I reached the top of the tower, a kind of long balcony. Though I walked around the whole balcony, I couldn't see her. Lily wasn't there._

_Instead of leaving at once, I walked to the edge, leaning over the rails, wondering if Lily was crouched somewhere in the gale, but not really expecting her to. For one crazy moment, I thought about scrambling over and just- you know- jumping. There was a terrible draw to the idea, and I clamored over, and sat on the top of the railing, hands clinging to two obtruding bars. But I couldn't jump. Deep inside, I knew the idea was stupid really. All the same, I liked it here, sitting alone, the wind attacking my face and rushing in my ears, sending my wavy brown hair in front of my eyes, kicking my legs. I liked the danger as well, the danger that I might fall. If my Mum saw me, she'd be appalled. I knew I wouldn't fall though. When I'd been a kid, I'd spent my life with bruised knees and dirty hands, climbing trees. Sighing, dreaming of the past, I swept my hair from my face and laughed as it immediately blew across my face again, and listened to the roar of the wind and churning black lake below, watched a bluetit try to stay flying straight on, and was knocked away._

_I like it up here. _

**A/N: Does the present tense make it sound weird?... Um, have I been using it for all my Mary entries?... I've only just noticed... I'll go and check.**


	7. Chapter 6

James ran a hand through his hair, running. He didn't know where he was going- he just needed to find her. He strained his eyes through the crowd, hoping to see a flash of dark red, but... no.

"Lily, where are you?" he said out loud, grinding to halt, attracting a few smirks and a few raised eyebrows. James was famous for being a marauder, handsome and funny- but completely in love with Lily Evans. Most likely, they thought Lily had stormed off after he'd tried to woo her, and he wanted to try again.

Then it hit James. Since it was his turn... it was so obvious. The marauders map.

Almost falling over in his hurry to throw down his bag and produce the map, James unrolled it, starting to smile slightly.  
"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," James whispered, his voice shaking.

Watching the ink zoom across the map was oddly comforting, somehow, like he was just playing some little prank again. Quickly, James scanned the map, and his expression darkened.

"I can't see her," he muttered.

_So?_ thought James, thinking quickly. _She's either left Hogwarts grounds... there hadn't been enough time... or she's- she's..._

"The room of requirements!" James burst out, ignoring the giggles. It all made perfect sense now. A few week ago, in a moment of deep passion, James had grabbed Lily, swept her off her feet and he'd tumbled into the room of requirements. It wasn't easy to sweep Lily off her feet, because she could get very mad, but all the same he'd done it. Lily had been so surprised at the sudden appearance of the room, she'd actually forgotten to slap him, and when he explained what it did, she'd seemed mildly impressed. And now, hurt and scared, she'd ran across the room, and hid there.

As James reached the seventh floor, he hesitated for the first time. All year, James had been trying to became less cocky and smug, when Lily was around anyway, but she still seemed to hate him. Then he remembered her gaunt, pale face, and walked up to the wall where the room should be. The scabby, peeling paint froze for a second, and before his eyes, a small polished wooden door appeared, slightly ajar. Through the crack, all James could see was darkness.

Carefully, he reached out and his fingers tightened around the smooth iron handle. He stood his arm reached out, clinging to the handle almost for several seconds, before he flung the door wide open.

It was like no room James' had been it before. A thick black veil seemed to hang over it, muffling the sound. By the light streaming through the door, he could see a figure, who's face was full of shadows crumpled in a heap of full meters away, a dark red blanket curtaining her eyes and pale face, turned to him, confused.

"Lily?" James whispered.

"Po-potter?" she asked, her voice hoarse and shaky.

"Yeah, that's me," James said, drenching up a smile.

"Shut the door, won't you?" Lily said.

Slightly unwillingly, James pushed the door shut, and everything became pitch black. Running his tongue over his mouth, James walked forward, measuring step by step, trying to work out where Lily was. Beneath his feet he could feel slightly springy plants, moss by the feel of it. His foot suddenly jutted on a stone, and he stumbled, arms spinning in the darkness, and fell forward.

"Ow, James," Lily said, pushing him off. He reached out and he pushed against her throbbing boobs. "Oy!" Lily said, stumbling back.

For the first time, James was glad it was so dark. At least, Lily couldn't see how red his cheeks were.

"Wow, you have big tits," he said, cheekily. "Ouch!"  
A resounding slap echoed across the room- or whatever it was.

"Lily, darling what's the matter?" James said, sinking down, next to her. Here the ground felt rough, cold, hard- it seemed to be some sort of concrete steps.

"Don't call me darling," Lily started, then erupted into tears, her body shaking against James'.

"Lily, Lily, what's the matter?" James said, wrapping his arms round her.

"I'm- such- a- horrible- person!" Lily sobbed, slapping James' hands away.

"What?" James said. "Lily, you're not, you're a stunning, beautiful, ginger, determined, kind, sweet-."

"Sweet?" Lily howled. "Yes, I'm v-very sweet when I start slapping you, though you're being completely wonderful!"

"Well, not sweet then," James amended. "But you're appreciating my charms now, aren't you?"

"You just make everything better!" Lily sobbed. "And I hate you for it!"

"Wow," James said, sounded slightly awed. "Wow, Lil."

"Just go away!" Lily burst out.

"But you said-," James started.

"No!" Lily said. "Go away, James, please!"

"Lily..."

"Please, James," Lily begged. "Please, go away."

"Lily, you've been telling me to bog off for over six years," James said. "Just accept it, it isn't going to happen."

"No!" Lily said, sounding slightly hysterical. "James, I can't, I just can't!"

"Why not?" James said, slightly sullenly. "I love you and you love me... don't you?"

"Oh, James," Lily sobbed. "It will never work."

"Yes, it would," James said, rather forcefully. "Do you love me, Lily?"  
"I- James that isn't-."

"Just say yes or no," James said. "And if you really can say no truthfully, I'll leave you."

"Fine!" Lily erupted. "I love you, James Potter! And is that good enough?"

James winced slightly, and blinked. For years, he'd been dreaming about Lily saying that, but he'd never imagined she'd shout it, sounding just as angry as if she'd been saying he hated him.

"No, it isn't," James said quietly. "Can I, uh, kiss you?"

Lily turned to look at him, in the dark and though James could not see anything those green eyes flickering in the dark, he really thought she was smiling. She seemed to have relaxed against him. But when she spoke she was stiff and tense again, her voice sharp.

"No, Potter," she said, her tone as if she was telling a five year old they couldn't eat the whole cake.

"No?" James said, his voice staying playful. "You ought to just try it."

Lily gave a quick involuntary jerking movement, and James' laughed, his laugh booming in Lily's ear. As she raised her hand to muffle the sound, James pulled her closer.

And James Potter was kissing Lily Evans.

And, bloodly hell, it was brilliant.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: I know this is another neutral POV chapter, but the next chapter will be a Mary **

"That was... wow," James said, slowly.

"Completely cliché," Lily said briskly. "Snogging in the dark, in a cupboard or something."

"I don't think many people snog in the room of requirements, in some weird blackhole," James said.

"Um... we're such a cliché couple, though," Lily said giggling. "After years of hating each other, we fall in love, and do _this_."

Lily pounced on James, and kissed him so vigorously he was momentously stunned, then he responded with equal eagerness. Until Lily suddenly froze, pushing James away.

"Don't stop, we were starting to get steamy," James giggled, sounding rather like he'd downed a ton of firewhiskey- e.g: piss drunk.

"Oh, stop acting like a thirteen year old with a crush," Lily snapped. "Godsake, Potter, you're seventeen!"

"What?" James said, losing the deliriously happy smile. "But Lily, I thought-."

"It's Evans, to you," Lily snapped.

"But... what did I do wrong? I know I'm a good snogger!"

"Yeah, you're really experienced," Lily said. "I know."

"Lily-."

"Evans."

"-What the fuck is the matter with you? Lily, we're in love!"

"James- Potter- I never was in love with you," Lily spat out. "You're as arrogant as you were in fifth year, and my feelings haven't changed!"

Light suddenly washed over them, causing them to blink blindly for a few seconds.

"I wanted their to be light," Lily explained.

"Right," James said, having a quick look around. Only seconds previously, he had been certain he had been standing in some sort of meadow, behind stone steps, but now the grass had been replaced by pebbles, old sweet wrapper blew past his feet, and the air stunk of cars and paraffin. All to clearly, James understood the message.

"Well, I'll see you around, Potter!" Lily said, jumping to he feet, and storming towards the door, but James stuck his foot out, and she stumbled and fell face forward into a pile of what looked like dog poo.

"Oh, thank you, Potter!" Lily huffed, and pulled off her jumper. It revealed a tight black tank top, which framed her figure perfectly, and James goggled. Lily rolled her eyes, and turned her back.

"Don't go!" It came out sounding far more childish and quite pathetic, but Lily turned.

"James, I don't love you," she said, though her voice sounded strained. "Hell, I don't even like you much. Snogging Snivellus was better than you."

"Snivellus?" James repeated, broken. "You snogged Snivellus."

Lily paused. She _had_, but they'd both been so drunk. It hadn't meant anything, in fact afterwads they agreed not to mention it again. It had been the first time they'd tried firewhiskey.

"Yeah," Lily said, hating the blank shock and hurt written on James' face. "He was good."

Then Lily forced herself to walk away.

"Why?" James bellowed. "Was it all just-? I mean is it-?" And it clicked. "That letter you had earlier," he said, sounding relieved. "This is because of that letter, isn't it, Lily?"

For a second, Lily turned to look at James, and then she laughed.

"You are the most big-headed person I've ever met," she said, her voice shaking.

Lily walked out, and James was standing behind her grinning.

"Oh, for god's sake," she started, and now James laughed.

"Nah, you love me really," he said, and kissed her.

Honestly, for a second, James could have sworn Lily was enjoying it.

_Slap_.

"In denial," James called out, running after her, as she stomped away.

**A/N: It's turning into a classic Jily fic... That wasn't what I had planned, but a bit more Jily can't hurt, can it now?**


	9. Chapter 8

"_Oh, Macdonald." _

_Snape is glaring at me, and his tone isn't encouraging. It's despairing. Sighing, I swing my hips and look at him, tightening my grip on the bars._

"_Snape," I reply, raising my eyes to the heavens. "What are you doing, anyway?" _

_He looks at me, pity etched into his face. "I wasn't looking for you, anyway, Mudblood," he says darkly._

_I laugh harshly, only slightly surprised at the insult. After all, he's a Slytherin. We haven't spoken since that day when we admitted I admitted I loved James to him, but I've sort of empathised with him, silently. Really, I should have known._

"_Isn't the lover girl mudblood?" I ask, and swing my legs over the railings so we're standing face to face._

"_Don't call her that," Snape said viciously._

"_Huh, well I like that," I say loftily. "Hypocrite- you did." _

"_Say another word and I swear to God, I'll knock you into the lake," Snape snaps._

_I laugh again, though I step slightly away from the railing and draw my wand, and a age fills me._

"_You're pathetic, Severus Snape," I snap back. "You pretend to lurve Lily sooo much, but you still call muggle-borns mudbloods, even though that's what pushed Lily into James' open arms!"_

"_And you spend hours moping after Potter, but when you finally get the balls to tell him, you then go and wipe his memory!" Snape hisses. "Yeah, rumours travel fast, Macdonald. You didn't wipe everyone's memory! I'd love to see Potter's reaction when someone tells him!"_

"_If you-."_

"_Wouldn't dream of it, you've got too much blackmail on me," Snape says, slightly regretfully._

"_So if I didn't, you would tell?" _

"_Maybe," Snape drawls, and, like a bullet, he draws his wand and shouts 'obliviate!'. It misses me by an inch, and I let out a roar of anger._

"_What was that for?" I yell. "Stop being so bloody pathetic! Why are you acting like this anyway?"_

"_What do you mean?" Snape says sullenly._

"_Like trying to wipe my memory, and calling me mudblood, for a start," I growl._

"_I thought you were Lily," Snape said, after a second. _

"_What, do I look like Lily?" _

"_Oh, shut up."_

"_You're worried she's inside somewhere snogging Potter senseless, aren't you?"_

"_No, I'm not- I just- worried."_

"_That she's crying over Potter's shoulder, then?"_

"_No! Fuck off, I'm just... worried about _her_. She was crying."_

"_Really?"_

"_Well, you saw, didn't you?"_

"_I meant, are you really worried about her?"_

"_Yes! Just because I'm a bleeding Slytherin doesn't mean I can't-."  
"Ooh, insulting your house."_

"_No, I just-."_

"_Aren't you _proud_ to be a snake?"_

"_Yes, I am- I just wish Lily was too sometimes."_

"_Lily isn't cruel to be a Slytherin, anyway."_

_It just slipped out, and from Snapes darkening expression, I knew I'd gone too far._


	10. Chapter 9

"Maybe it was the letter, now can you just bog off."

"Lily, you are Head Girl," James said, winking.

"Even Head Girls can tell people to bog off when they feel like it," Lily said. "Besides, you're Head Boy but that doesn't stop you from creeping out every full moon."

"Every full moon?" James repeated, looking horrified.

"Well, you're obviously helping Remus but that's very dangerous, all the same," Lily said.

"How much do you know?" James asked, looking slightly scared.

"A bit. Sev... erus told me some things."

"Shit."

"Well, that's nice, isn't it?" Lily said, rounding on James. "Did you think I'd be prejudiced if I knew? Think I'd hate you a bit more? Can't love me as much as you bloody well make out if that's the case, can you?" she finished, tears shining in her eyes.

"That's not true, Lil," James said, in the tone of one humouring a small a small child, and it didn't improve Lily's mood at all.

"Oh, stop it!" she shrieked. "Stop pretending to like me, please! I'm just a trophy, aren't I? You just want to charm that violent Evans girl!"

"I-."

"I heard you!" she shouted. "Those were your words... 'that Evans girl is _violent' ..._ you said...!"

"When did you hear me say that?" James said paling.

"What- how many times have you said it?" Lily shouted, and all over again, she began to cry. Mascara ran in streams down her face, brown grey, giving her demented look, particularly with her dark red hair which had risen in waves around her face.

James had never seen Lily cry before.

"Lily, _don't_," he begged, unable to watch the normally strong redhead in such a state. "Just don't."

"James, I love you!" Lily said, very quickly, and threw herself on the shocked, messy-haired marauder- and Head Boy.

Her face was boiling hot, though wet tears rubbed against James' cheek, her mascara sticking to James' face... and he clung to her hot, wriggling body, tears forming in his own eyes too, and she kissed him with so much passion he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Lily, I love you too!" James said, as Lily slipped through his arms and landed with a bump on the floor.

"Yeah, I love you so much it actually hurts, James," Lily said, but she was still crying.

"Lily, is there anything-."

"Goodbye!" Lily said dramatically, stepping away. "I really do love you James!"

"_Lily_!" James said, grabbing the hem of her coat. "What is it? And tell me what that fucking letter said, won't you!"

"I will," Lily promised, then ran, pushing his hands away.

"James!" Sirius said, rounding a corner, Remus, Peter, and Reese behind him. "Did you find her? What was the matter?"

"I really don't know," James said, shaking his head. "But I did find her."  
Rather self-consciously, he wiped the mascara from he cheeks.

Sirius let out a bark like laugh.


	11. Chapter 10

"_Snape, sorry!" I blurt quickly. "I didn't mean any of that!"_

"_Why are you here?" Snape drawled. "I'm a Slytherin."_

"_Yeah, but you're all right. For a-." _

"_Because, of coarse, all Slytherins are murderers and death-eaters," Snape said slowly, his voice smooth and slightly menacing._

"_Well, that _is_ how they're portrayed," I mutter._

"_And who portrays them like that, Macdonald?" he hisses, stepping forward. _

"_Well, if you didn't keep becoming death eaters, then nobody would think of you like that," I say, standing my ground._

"_Maybe that's all we can do," Snape says slowly. "If we do anything else, you'll just assume we're a spy. Maybe that's the only way we can keep our honour."_

_I stare at him, and he meets me eyes, full one, a reluctant, slightly triumphant smirk on his face. _

"_Really," he says, stepping forward. "When the hat sorts us, it decides our future. If it chooses Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff, one would be happy..."_

_I stare at him, transfixed._

"_And if it chooses Slytherin, one would be miserable..."_

"_Not always," I say, clearing my throat._

"_Ultimately, always," Snape replies. "Lily threw me away because I was Slytherin, because you all hated her for being Slytherin..."_

"_No, it was because-."_

"_On the surface, yeah," Snape snaps. "But she'd grown bored of me for a while, I think. 'Cos I'm a Slytherin."_

"_Snape, shut up," I say, fiercely. "Stop being so bloody self pitying. Lily would never love you anyway. She loves James... yes, James," I continue, slightly mournfully, as Snape's eyebrows contract. "And this making me feel all guilty."  
"Because that, of coarse, would be the end of the world," Snape growls. "I don't think much of you Mary Macdonald! You're a Gryffindor, and a useless friend!"_

"_We aren't friends," I say automatically._

"_I wasn't talking about _me_," Snape said, giving me a look of deep disgust. "I was talking about your so-called friend, Lily. She runs out the Great Hall crying, and you can't even be bothered to look for her."_

_I opened my mouth, and shut it again._

"_Oh, shit," I groan._

"_Now you remember," Snape muttered grumpily._

"_Shut UP!" I shout, but I run down the tower stairs, Snape gliding behind me._

_I can't believe I forgot, to be honest._

_And a _Slytherin_ reminded me._

_Seriously._

_(Not siriusly)._

**A/N: Sorry about the last line, it is pathetic, I know. Now the nagging author wants to nag about reviews. Thanks to Kberry for reviewing (people seem to P.M whenever I review in reply, but I haven't worked out how to yet...) But I'm on chapter ten! And I have one review. And 40 people liked it enough to read up to chapter ten, so siriusly, please review. Please, please, please. I will love you if you review. I will even try and work out how to do P.M so I can thank you. And I like constructive criticism, so, hell, please review.**


	12. Chapter 11

"That letter," Reese said.

"What about the letter?" Sirius said, mouth twitching slightly.

"Uh, duh," Reese replied. "That's what's making Lily all angry."

"Yeah, you know, I worked that out by myself," Sirius said, smirking.

"I was just saying," Reese said.

"Yeah," Sirius said, looking at her very intently, making Reese squirm slightly. "Reese?"

"What?" she said, a bit rudely.

"Has anyone ever told you?" Sirius said smoothly, drooping his arms around Reese.

"Oh, fucking no," Reese whispered, and Sirius laughed quietly.

"You're kind of beautiful, Reese," Sirius murmured, running a hand through her hair.

"No, you bloody well don't," Reese said furiously. "I am not going to be your next- next victim!"

"Victim?" Sirius smirked. "I ain't a murderer, Reese."

Reese snorted loudly, and then the sexiest boy in the school leant forward and kissed her on the lips.

**A/N: It is short sorry, but it's the second chapter today, so YAY!**


	13. Chapter 12

"_There she is!" Snape said. "There's Lily!"_

_I skidded to a halt, suddenly uncertain. Looking at Snape, he looked almost... radiant. Like he was shining. Like he was on fire inside._

"_She's alone," I said, rather unnecessarily._

_She was. Her red hair was all over the place, her eye-liner smudged, giving her panda look, and she looked on the state of collapse._

"_Maybe, we shouldn't-," I began nervously._

"_Are you her friend or not?" Snape snapped. Then he shrugged, and smiled. "But actually- just wait."_

"_Wait for what?" I asked, but Snape waved his hand about dismissively. _

"_Just stay here."_

_He strode forward, head held high, up to her._

"_Lily, I _am_ sorry," he said, solemnly, and he struck an oddly impressive figure, so earnest and confident._

"_Se-Snape!" Lily burst out, backing away from him as if he was poisonous. "What are you doing? Go away!"  
But Snape stood his ground, though his black eyes had contracted as she spoke his name, and his voice was far more silky._

"_Lily, please, I'm sorry," he repeated, taking half a step towards her._

"_Why now?" she asked, suspiciously. "Why are you apologising now?"_

"_Because- well, you're obviously in need, and I wanted to." He broke, his cheeks reddening slightly. "How- are you all right?"_

"_No, and I don't need any help from a- a filthy death-eater like you!" Lily snapped. "Snape, it's been over a year since I talked to you so-."  
"D-don't you think it's time we made up?" Snape said._

"_No."_

"_Fine!" Snape said. "But, I never, ever meant to call you mudblood, Lily! And I'll never be a death-eater- no, no I won't! I just want to help! We used to be friends- best friends- we used to be able to talk... and-. Well, Potter and Black are so-."_

"_So what?" Lily said, danger vibrating in every syllable. "What are James and Sirius so?"_

_Snape looked like he'd been punched._

"_N-n-no," he croaked, his voice cracking. "Lily, n-no!"_

"_Snape, I don't care much for your opinion, not any more," Lily said. _

_Snape was staggering back._

"_No," he repeated again. "NO!"_

_Lily gave a harsh laugh._

_And Snape gave a strange howl of misery, like a wounded dog, and ran._

_As he fell, spitting, face consorted with something like rage, there really were tears in my eyes._

_I hadn't seen a boy cry since I was in primary muggle school, and it was like a piece of me was being ripped out. _

_Snape was crying, clawing his face almost, crying._


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Another Mary chapter, I know. There were two neutrals in a row earlier, though. Enjoy. Then review!**

"_Snape?" I muttered._

"_Don't call me that," he croaked._

"_Severus, are you-?"  
"I'm not all right," Snape said. _

"_Right," I said, thrown. "Let's go."_

"_Go?"_

"_Well, Lily could round the corner-."_

"_Yeah. Lil-Eva-Evans could."  
"Evans?" I asked, dragging him to his feet._

_He shrugged. "I'm not calling her Lily."_

"_Why not?" I said._

"She_ called me Snape," he replied sullenly. _

"_She is a different person to the girl you knew before," I say. "When you two fell out, it was like she- she became different."_

"_Nicer?" Snape suggested._

_I can't help thinking that she did. Become nicer, I mean. Those days, well, let's say nobody encouraged her friendship with Snape. Severus. Least of all me. It was pretty much unheard of for a Gryffindor to be friends with a Slytherin. I remember, myself, on the very first day at Hogwarts, how I gossiped when Snape was partners with Lily in potions._

_Did I really just think that?_

_Snape was partners with Lily._

_Before I always thought the other way round._

_Weird._

"_She was, wasn't she? Snape said._

_I shook my head. "Back then, I always hated that she had a Slytherin friend, but now, I think that she lost a but of her, in falling out. Became less- just kind, to everyone. Actually, I think it was after you fell out that she looked at Potter for the first time."  
"Great!" Snape said. "Just great! Everything has to be my fault."_

"_I didn't mean that."_

"_Yeah, you did. But-." He looked at me shrewdly. "You sounded slightly disgusted."  
"Eh?" I said, and Snape laughed._

"_You sounded, Mary," he said slowly. "Like Potter was... disgusting."  
"No, but him and Lily are."  
"I agree on that one," Snape muttered. "I just can't believe that Lily just stood up for Potter."  
"Ummm," I said. Very original. _

"_Dreaming of shagging Potter, now?" Snape laughed._

_I blushed, even though I wasn't. Now, he'd said it, I couldn't help dreaming though._

"_Actually, I wasn't," I said._

"_You weren't then," Snape said triumphantly._

"_Well, yeah, I bet he has a really big-."_

"_I do not want to know," Snape said. Then pausing: "Have you ever snogged Potter?"_

"_Oh... yeah," I said, thrown of balance. "Today- then I wiped his memory. And- at a party."_

"_Really?" Snape said, narrowing his eyes and smiling like the cat who's got the cream. "When?"  
"In fifth year," I admitted. "If you must know. James had smuggled in a load of firewhiskey, and food. Reese had drunk two bottles of firewhiskey and didn't seem so drunk, and was pestering me to try it. So I did. I'd never tried it before, and I got pissed after about a mouthful."  
"And Potter was already pissed, so you snogged?" Snape finished grumpily._

"_Sort of," I agreed, going scarlet. "Actually, well, I- I shagged Sirius."_

"_You shagged BLACK?" Snape shouted._

"_Well, half of the population of this school has, so it's not that a surprise, and besides, can you not shout?"_

"_Traitor," Snape whispered._

"_Shut up, Snape," I hissed, mortified. Well, we'd wandered into a pretty deserted area, because, it might seem shallow, but neither of us wanted the whole gossip system to know we were friends. But someone might have heard._

"_Urgh," Snape said, shaking his head. "Was it fun?" he teased._

_In actual fact, it was quite. Sirius is quite experienced. Afterwards, though, it was torture._

"_You really want to know?" I asked._

"_Yeah, Macdonald, that's another thing I do not want to know."_

"_Macdonald?" I asked, slightly curious._

"_What?" he said._

"_Well, why are you calling me my surname now?"_

_Snape shrugged. "Aren't you?"_

_I pause. "Not any more."_

_He shrugged again. "Fine, Mary."_

_I smirked. "Why were you so interested anyhow?"_

"_I just can't imagine you drunk, somehow," Snape- Severus said._

"_Never again," I laugh. "After I shagged Sirius, well, James grinned and said, 'you're our friend, Mary, why'd Sirius have to go and break your heart?' Well, he slurred it a bit."  
"Then you snogged?" _

"_In the hangover period, after Sirius said he wasn't actually interested. James was smirking apologetically and- yeah, I snogged him. We always pretended it never happened though."_

"_Does alcohol really do that to you?" Severus asked wearily._

_I looked at him in surprise._

"_Don't tell me you've never got drunk!" I said._

_Severus looked at the floor. "Er... I never have."  
"But- no way!" I laughed. _

"_Way."_

_I rolled my eyes. _

"_I am going to the kitchens, _right now_, to get a load of firewhiskey."_

"_Are you?"_

"_Severus, you can't honestly expect to be allowed not to get drunk after seven years of Hogwarts? I wouldn't allow it!"  
"Fair enough."_

**A/N: Thanks to Koryandrs and Lollo for reviewing. I'm definitely going to keep going with this story, and finish it, I promise. Lollo- it's great you like it so much- thanks.**

**Question: do you prefer Mary POV or neutral POV? Also, for the Mary POV, do you think the italic writing is annoying- should I just switch it to normal, and put Mary POV at the top?**


	15. Chapter 14

Mary did actually know where the kitchens were, because after nearly three years of hanging around James, she had found out a few things. Like where the kitchens were.

"You _tickle the pear_?" Severus said, in mock disbelief. "Really, Mary?"

"I didn't invent this door," Mary reminded him.

"Pathetic," Severus muttered. "Completely pathetic. God, the marauders are so pathetic to actually bother with this."  
"They're OK," Mary said, tickling the pear, and sure enough the pear started squirming, and giggling, and the door swung open.

"They're arrogant toerags, who enjoy torturing every Sytherin they can see," Severus said harshly, sniffing disapprovingly as he looked around. "And these kitchens aren't exactly impressive."

"It's a corridor, Severus," Mary said impatiently. "And as for the marauders, just- they really are OK, if you get to know them."

Severus let out a small, discouraging snort. "Yeah, they're OK, if they like you. If you're on the inside, they're funny and witty and nice. On the outside, less so."

"What do you mean, on the outside," Mary challenged.

"The inner circle," Severus drawled, pushing the door close behind him. "When you're watching them, they seemed _hilarious-_." The scorn is voice was obvious. "When they attack you, whatever you're doing-."

"Can you stop it?" Mary said, but Severus ignored her.

"That's probably why Slytherins suffer a bad reputation. Because everyone assumes they're are bad, so why shouldn't we be!"

"Severus Snape, are you a death eater?" Mary said, eyes wide.

"No, I am not," Severus growled. "See, because I'm a Slytherin, you, the marauders-."

"Stop it!" Mary snapped. "Right now."

They stood, facing each other, hands curled into fists by their sides, glaring, then Mary laughed.

"Let's forget, Sev."

"Sev?"

"Whatever, but, I mean, when we're together, don't lets talk about the marauders," Mary said.

"Fine, then," Severus said, sighing. "Well, so far the kitchens look crap but-."  
"You are so close-minded it actually hurts,"Mary said. "Come on."

They hurried, in silence, across a corridor, and then Severus skidded to a halt.

"Wow, Mary," he whispered.

Mary strolled across the kitchens, smirking at his amazement, and nodding to the many eager house-elves.

"Chocolate, please," she drawled, enjoying the attention and amazement Severus was giving her. At once a group of house-elves scuttled across the hall, carrying a tray with two mugs of steaming hot-chocolate, eight large bars of chocolate, and four creamy éclairs. "Hey, thanks."

"It's all right, Misses," one elf squeaked excitedly, dropping into a bow.

"Well, good job," Mary said lazily, daintily sipping some of the hot chocolate. "Want any, Sev?" she added, causally tossing him the tray. In his utter astonishment, he slipped between his figures and shattered, a hot brown puddle spreading at his feet.

"Oh," Severus said gormlessly, watching the puddle grow.

"Seriously, Sev," Mary huffed, and watched as the elves dashed forward to mop up the mess.

"W-what are they?" Severus hissed, embarrassed. It probably didn't help that Mary had been lording it over him for the last five minutes.

Mary let out a long, hard sigh, and then, seeing Severus cringing as elves knelt down, vanishing the mess from the hem of his robes, which he was now lifting a few inches from the ground, like some posh ballroom dancer, giggled.

"These- these are house elves," she said, thrusting one arm out.

"Indeed we are, Misses and Sir," one squeaked.

"Huh- the house elves of Hogwarts," Mary said, grinning wider.

"Mary, I hate you," Severus said.

"What am I doing now?" she said, feigning innocence.

"Being bloody superior, that's what," Severus said, mock-annoyed.

Mary giggled.

"And stop giggling," he grinned.

"It's just, well-," Mary broke into more peals of laughter. "It's just your expression was so priceless! And I can't believe you don't know what house-elves are! I do, and I'm muggle born! And you're pureblood!"

"No, I'm not, I'm half-blood, actually," Severus said, slightly defensively. "Not all Slytherins are purebloods, you know. And, well my Dad didn't like magic... he's a idiot... we don't have a house-elf and no one every explained what they were!"

"What do you mean, your dad doesn't like magic?" Mary said, suddenly serious.

"He's a jerk, that's what."

"Jerk?"

"What?"

"It's just... really."

"What?"

"A jerk? Is that your worse insult?"

"My Dad's a bastard, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, Mary," Severus said, remarkably coldly.

"What did he do...?" Mary said.

Severus laughed, and gestured to all the elves listening in. "He was... abusive?" Severus dragged the word out, obviously unfamiliar and uncomfortable with it. It felt very strange to tell anyone about it really. The last person he'd told had been Lily, nearly seven years ago. Nowadays, nobody knew and cared, at Hogwarts. His Mum was great, though.

**(A/N: Argh, change of POV, I know, but I wanted to say it, and, yeah, sorry... I just (re)read a fic where the marauders and Lily read fanfiction and Remus kept going on about changing POV, and I can just hear him dis it. Actually, read it, it's hilarious, it's called the marauder's companion.)**

"Oh, sorry," Mary muttered.

"It's not your fault, is it?" Severus said, a little edgily.

"But- oh Sev!" Mary rushed at Severus, and hugged him passionately.

"What the hell?" Severus moaned, pulling her off her.

"Sorry," Mary said, blushing. "It's just, I really am sorry, you know, Sev."

"It doesn't matter," Severus insisted, looking at the floor.

Tears were filling Mary's eyes.

"Of coarse it matters," Mary said quietly, trying to meet Severus' eyes.

"I meant, to you," Severus whispered.

"It does," Mary said, earnestly, her eyes swimming with tears now. "Oh, hell, you're my _friend_, aren't you?"

"Why are you crying?" Severus said.

"Because you're my friend!" Mary cried. "Aren't you?"  
A tiny smile played on Severus' lips for a second.

"Yeah, I am," he said quietly. "And you-."

"I'm your friend," Mary agreed, smiling.

**A/N: Please review! Tell me whether you want any other POV too...?**


	16. Chapter 15

James,

I want to say that I love you. Yeah, straight out, I love you. Honestly, I've hated you for years, and now, well. I don't know what changed, or when it changed, but something did, and now I love you so much it hurts. I'm sorry I had so little time with you, because I was an idiot and I was in denial. You were an idiot too, but your my idiot. But when you kissed me, it was completely amazing. Slightly heartbreaking, because I had seen the letter, but amazing all the same.

This is such a hard letter to write, James. I hope you'll forgive me for writing a letter, and being to coward to face you. I might as well tell you. That way I hope you'll understand. You-Know-Who threatened me, James. I'm going out to meet him, or at least his followers now. Maybe I won't return. Probably. That's why I'm writing this, because I don't want to see your face when you read this. I don't want to see your hurt, or hear your protests, and worse I don't want to know if you care or not. He say he'd kill my family, kill Petunia, and he said he'd kill you. If it was you, would you let him kill me, and your family? I don't think you would.

He wanted me to join. Become a death eater, you know.

I won't, though, I promise. If you ever loved me, you'll be glad. If I joined, I would betray you all. I bet you think I'm an idiot to go. Shit, maybe I am. Just remember I love you; I love you all.

Tell the others for me, won't you? I know it will be hard, and I'm being selfish, but I do want them to know. Reese and Mary. As for your friends, your little marauders, well. I won't be scathing now. They are your friends, and I suppose they can't be too bad. Oh shit, I didn't mean to write that, I really didn't. But this is in ink, and I haven't the time to start again, but if I had the time, I would I swear. Tell Remus and Sirius and Peter, if you like.

Well, I can't make you do anything. Do what you like with this letter, James. Burn it, destroy it, go and tell Dumbledore, if you like. It's your choice James.

I've got a message for my family though: _Petunia- we argued but all the same we're sisters and I love you. Remember, before my Hogwarts letter came, we used to have such fun together. And after my letter, we'd sometimes, occasionally, be sisters again. I was so stupid. Mum, Dad- you're the parents I could ever want, and I love you. Remember that, I love you. I love you all._

This is the most honest letter I've ever written. I can afford to be honest, since at this stage, there are no consequences. I love you James, and I am crying when I write this.

In a way, Tunia was right. Tunia is my sister, and she doesn't like magic much. Well, magic ripped apart my life, in way. Because of magic, Tunia hated me, and Voldemort stalked me, and death eaters killed me. I mustn't say that, though. They haven't killed me yet. I'm going to die fighting, and magic killed me. All the same, Tunia wasn't all right. Magic gave me purpose, you know. I found great friends... Reese, Mary, Sev, yes, Sev. He was my best friends for five years, and I sometimes still miss him. And without magic, I wouldn't have met you, James. How soppy is that? But, whatever, I want to me soppy. This is my last letter after all, so I might as well be honest. Soppy isn't honest, soppy normally makes me think of dumb meaningless valentine's but, yeah, this letter's soppy, but not in a valentine way.

Yours,

Lily Evans


	17. Chapter 16

**Lily's POV**

**A/N: No more italics!**

I brushed my hair out, and pulled it back into a tight ponytail. Really, it was stupid, there was no need to wash my face and dab on a little make-up. There was even less need to put on a few jangling bangles, and changed into a smart blue shirt and clean jeans, but I did. If I had to face the death-eaters, face death, I wanted to look squeaky clean, like I hadn't just spent half an hour with mascara pouring down my cheeks, sobbing, like I didn't care. Who was I fooling? Maybe myself.

Taking a deep breath, I folded up the letter, running my fingers over the fold to make it sharper. I was standing outside the boy's dormitories, ear pressed to the door, wondering if anyone could be inside. Well, I doubted it, because the marauders are normally so loud you can hear them from the other side of the school, but I wanted to make sure. Then I flung open the door, and rushed inside.

You know, I've never actually been in James' dormitory. Strange, seeing as I'm _in love with him. _Or sometime.

Glancing around, I saw it was a lot more messy than our dormitory. A lot. I couldn't be sure which was James' bed, but I knew his truck. In a flash, I had shoved the letter in his truck, and ran from the room. Everything seemed to be blurring, time was vanishing.

"James, I'm so, so sorry," I whispered, my hand in my dark red hair.

I pretended to go to bed, tucking the covers up to my chin, though I was the last in. I wouldn't go to sleep but it wasn't time yet. Couldn't I just spend a few minutes letting James' smile dance across my mind? Only it didn't work like that.

"Lily, you're late..." Mary slurred, pushing away a bottle which fell to the floor with a resounding clatter, waking the whole dorm up.

"What was that for, Mary?" Cayenne said furiously, sitting up and sniffing disapprovingly. "Oh, are you _drunk_?"

I blinked at Mary in utter astonishment- and she was. The bottle was a firewhiskey bottle.

"Only a bit!" she giggled. "Me and Seva... oh!"

I gaped at her. Severus? My ex-friend? But no... Mary wouldn't... betray me, like that. She was my friend.

"Saba? Seba Ali?" George said sleepily, sitting up. "What happened?"  
"I didn't know you and Saba were that good friends," Reese said suspiciously.

"Oh, we are!" Mary moaned, feeling around in the dark for the bottle.

"You shouldn't be drinking that," Cayenne said crisply, clicking the light on and pulling the bottle from her grasp. "Alcohol's bad for you, anyhow, but you're so drunk... I'll get you a hangover potion tomorrow."

Blinking in the light, I marvel absent-mindedly on how on earth I was chosen as a perfect over Cayenne.

"Right," Cayenne said, throwing me a slightly disapproving look, but right now, I don't care that I'm Head Girl. "Lights off. We need to go to sleep."

"Yeah," I echo, sitting up.

Reese's black eyes' contracted. The light snapped off, and I wondered if I'd imaged it. Now all I could do was wait, staring into the darkness, dreaming of James. It sounds so clichéd, but James is very handsome. That messy black hair and those sparkling hazel eyes, and his smug, teasing grin. I thought back, a few days ago, of his charming throaty laugh...

"_Evans?"_

_His voice chimed in my mind, like a bell, sweet and echoing._

_Turning round, I saw a messy haired boy smirk playfully at me, and uncork a bottle of what I was sure was firewhiskey, now._

"_What do you want?" I asked, scribbling my love at the end of the letter. Godric fluttered over beside me, and smiling, I stroked him, and let him fly._

"_Evans?" James said again stepping closer, eyes alight with mischief._

"_I said, what do you want?" I asked again, annoyed now._

"_You," he said cheekily, and danced forward, and shoved his lips against mine. Shocked, I was frozen for several seconds, though, maybe I did enjoy... snogging him, just a bit. All kisses feel good, at least when it's your first. Adrenaline, I suppose._

"_Potter!" I cried, horrified, shaking him off and rubbing my mouth. "What the hell?"_

"_Want to go out with me?" he said, patting me lightly on the head._

"_No- I- don't!" I yelled, and that was the green gooey bucket hit me hard over the head._

"_Ouch!" I cried. "What is this- oh my, my hair!"_

_My hair was green, bright, lime green._

"_It'll wash out in about a week," James laughed, and I rose to my feet and the resounding slap pieced the gentle hoots, and an owl took flight in alarm._

"_I HATE YOU, POTTER!" I yelled, punching him hard under the chin, and he fell back, bleeding._

"_Nah, you love me really," he quibbled, though I was glad to see he looked slightly taken aback, as he gathered himself up, from the floor of owl droppings._

That was the first time he ever asked me out, I remember it... and it was my first kiss. First kisses are supposed to be special, and that? Urgh it was disgusting and, it was the most embarrassing thing, going round, my hair lime green, all week. And I hated Potter, but looking back, that was easily the most harmless prank I was the butt of. Just a laugh really, because James' loved to laugh... and I always thought he looked gorgeous when he did. But in an hour, just sixty minutes- I can see the dial of my glow in the dark watch- that will be gone.

"_What ever are you doing?" I said crisply, dipping my quill into the gloppy black ink. "Oh, it's _you_."_

_I was sitting, surrounding by papers, an old lamp next to me, on a stall, illuminating the thick, musty paged book I was reading. _

"_Evans," James groaned. "What are you doing here, now?"  
"Studying," I said coolly. "But I rather doubt that you are doing the same, Potter._

"_Studying?" Black said, laughing. "It's one o'clock, Evans, stop being such a geek!"  
"Our O. are soon," I reminded him, scowling, and silently pulling out my wand._

"_Yeah, a whole year is really soon!" Pettigrew squeaked. "Go to bed, Evans."_

"_Yeah, go back where you belong," James added, eyes wide, almost begging._

"_You're creeping out, aren't you?" I raged... did it really matter... it was just a bit of fun...?_

"_None of your business, Evans," Black said harshly. "Keep your over-large nose away from us, yeah? Why aren't you with Snivellus anyway? Aren't you in lurve?"_

_I flushed angrily. "Don't talk about love, Black, when you shag girls every other weekend!"_

"_At least I do have a life," he replied._

"_And I don't?" I said, rather fiercely._

"_Well, if you call coming top at history of magic a life..."_

"_Yeah, I ought to hex everyone who's in my way instead, shag girls then dump them, and swagger round the school after night attacking Slytherins!" I screamed._

"_They're just Slytherins," Black said, with a shrug, and seeing my expressions added, "wannable death eaters. Yeah, even your precious Snape."  
He did get that right... Snape apologised, but it meant nothind._

_I leapt to my feet, drawing my wand and stabbing through the air._

"_You can talk!" I screeched. "Your whole family's death eater! Everyone knows that you're going to join them someday! You like torturing people- you'd be perfect!"_

_Black's face darkened._

"_I'm- I'm not proud of them," he croaked, sounding for the first time almost- human._

"_Don't say that," James said, stepping in front of him. "Did you know, Evans, that he _hates_ his family? _Hates them? _Did you know he was beaten to pieces for defying them- they hate him! Sirius wouldn't became a death eater... Petrificus Totalus!"_

_I fell back, rigged, too shocked by his outburst to remember to defend myself. There was utter contempt on his face, and a dull pain was spreading inside me. He didn't really like me at all... it was all an act. And why did that make me feel so bad? _

No, it wasn't. It really wasn't. An act, I mean. I didn't think it was anyway- no, I couldn't think like that. Not now. I loved him. Forty-five minutes, then... I'll go. The last thing I ever said to him though was that I loved him. Well, that 'I will' but- he knows I do. Forty-five minutes. I loved you. No, wait, loved?

"_We've got to work together now! I'm Head Boy! And, god, Evans, I'm _sorry_!"_

"_Sorry?" I said sarcastically. "Yeah, if you were as sorry as you make out, perhaps you'd wouldn't keep hurting my friend- and- pranking me!"  
"I haven't pranked you for about a year," James said, his voice dull. "I'm in love with you."_

_It's true, he hasn't. Maybe he had grown up. And- in love with me?_

"_You made those spiders attack Jodie Maison-Lee, just yesterday," I accused. "And she's terrified of them."_

_James' lip twitched slightly, as if he was holding back a laugh, and I crossed my arms, glowering at James, trying to out-stare him, daring him to look away._

"_You stupid dog, Potter," I whispered, hoping he'd look away, but not wanting to myself, not able to wrench my eyes from his. How I hated him!_

"_Seeing as I beat you in every O.W.L apart from potions and charms, I don't think you have any right at all to call me stupid," James shot back, winking._

_I started to snap back that I'd beaten him in History of Magic too, and I betted that I would have beaten him in a few other subjects too, if we compared results, when my voice faded away. I'd just noticed the colour of his eyes. Hazel. With tiny chinks of peanut green flashing jauntily at me, and I could only stutter._

_I looked away, muttering, 'arrogant toerag' and dragging my toe through the dust._

Had I fallen for him by then? And he'd said he loved me! Loved me. Thinking about it gave me a strange warm feeling inside me, like hot butterbeer. But I shouldn't- I shouldn't really, but seeing this in my mind, so vividly, I shouldn't be dreaming of James at all. Less than a hour. Less than half an hour now. Twenty minutes, about... That's twenty times sixty. Two times six is twelve so times a hundred. Twelve hundred... but this is maths! Seriously, I'm doing mental maths in my last twelve hundred seconds. Hah. James would call me such a _nerd. _But then I think he'd laugh and say I was an adorable nerd. I wonder if he's thinking of his adorable nerd right now... James, are you? James? James...? JAMES...

_James jumped, landing nimbly in front of me, sweeping a floating gold star from his hair, and reaching out to let a small, light pink plastic flower drop into the palm of his hand. I saw him smile at that, before he let it slide through his fingers._

"_Hey, Lily," he said excitedly, breathlessly, grinning nervously._

"_Are you serious?" I said irritably, shaking a flower out of my hair. I wanted to eat- I was hungry- why did Potter have to come and shake me up again? My eyes flickered around the hall, taking in the golden banner... Date me, Lily... and the sweetest white lily petal rained on my head. I could see the envy on every girl's face, and I knew I was lucky, lucky, lucky._

"_Lily, I love you!" James blurted, and my eyes widened. I was lucky, lucky, lucky!_

"_What?" I said, trying to stop smiling. Then my eyes were pulled away from his, towards a Slytherin. Tied up, lying still on the floor, hidden by the banner. So the banner was just there to hide them, right? It was fake, and for some reason ice seemed to grip my heart._

"_I... god, do you want to go me, then?" James said, but all I could see was the Slytherin's feet, and all I knew was that it was a lie._

"_NO!" I screamed, not caring my heart seemed to snap as I yelled._

_Lucky? _

_Lucky._

_A boy loved me that much, and I turned him down. That boy was funny, brave, and handsome, and loved me. As for kind, they _were_ Slytherins. Look at Snape. _

I shall go in five minutes. It's quarter to twelve. I do want to be punctual, even for an appointment to die. At Midnight... could I tell? Dumbledore could stop him, but then the threats. They said if I told anyone they'd torture and kill James and Mum and Dad and Tunia.

Lucky?

Yeah, right.

No, actually, I think I am. I'm certain James' lying in bed, or in the common room, maybe trying to climb the boy-proof stairs... Lol... but thinking of his adorable nerd.

_I could feel him, in the dark, playing with my hand, but I forced myself not to look into those hazel orbs._

"_Can I, uh, kiss you?" he whispered, his voice tickling my ear, and I grinned for a second. Only James would ask- only that infuriating messy-haired git would have the cheek. Only I couldn't... I'd hated him for years._

"_No, Potter," I said, determinedly using his surname, turning away._

"_No?" James said, and I forced myself not to be disappointed that he didn't seemed to care. "You ought to just try it."_

_I felt a rush of joy, mixed with fear. He was James Potter. I pulled my hand back sharply, about to slap him hard, and James laughed. It seemed to freeze me, echoing around my head, and I childishly raised my hands to my ears to block the sound, and James pushed my hand away, pulled my closer and..._

_kissed me._

_And it was pure heaven._

Only it didn't matter, because by the time James woke up, I would be long be gone. Perhaps it was just a wild, one-night fling sort of thing anyway. It didn't matter. It didn't matter. It didn't MATTER. It was, after all, only a mutual sort of attraction.

Or love, or whatever.

Only, after tonight, it would matter, just not to me because I wouldn't see it. Though I'd feel it, till I died...

I love him, I realise, I really do.

"I love you, James," I repeat, smiling to myself. "James... I love you."  
"Do you really?" the voice of Reese said briskly, and I felt her flop down on my bed.

**A/N: So I began this by saying 'no more italics' and then I went and did a load of italics for the flashbacks. Whatever. Thanks to koryandrs and winterSun for reviewing. Koryandrs- I'm glad you like it. WinterSun- I know I can be OTT, sorry, I'll work on it on it's finished. **


	18. Chapter 17

**Mary's POV**

My head started to clear a bit, lying in the dark, but I couldn't get to sleep. Lily wouldn't stop thrashing about like a maniac, and Reese was sitting up in the dark glowering at her but not doing anything. Lily rolled over again, rising up and throwing her covers to one side.

"I love you, James," she said, her voice clear as a bell. I felt bile rise in my throat, and I rolled over, hating her.

"Do you really?" Reese said, sniggering.

The effect was pretty much immediate. Lily shot up like a rocket, and blinked at Reese.

"Reese!" she gasped, clamping her hands over her ears.

"Shut up," I groaned, burrowing into the covers.

They both ignored me. Cayenne clicked on the light again, and sighed sharply.

"Please, we're all trying to get to sleep," she said briskly. "Huh, Lily_, why_ are you still in your day clothes?"

"Yes, I'd like to know that too," Reese said.

There was no point trying to sleep now, so I sat up, my head spinning. For once in my life, I agreed with that pious idiot Cayenne.

"You're sneaking out somewhere, aren't you?" Reese said. "I don't know what that letter was about but me and Sirius both know your up to something."

"You and Sirius?" George said, sitting upright. "Are you like- dating?"

"We are, but it's none of your business," Reese snapped.

"I liked him first," George muttered jealously. "He's only using you."

"No, he isn't," Reese said crisply. "You're just jealous."

"Why would he go out with someone like _you?_" George said. "I mean, you're not exactly popular..."

Reese snorted, and turned to look at Lily, and jerked away.

"Perficus Totalus," Lily said, flicking her wrist, her voice smooth.

There was a loud chunk, as Reese hit the floor, as stiff as a board.

"I really am sorry, Reese," Lily said, and silently shot Cayenne and George down too. I was less of a gormless idiot- Cayenne just stared at Lily, stuttering '_well, really_.'

"Mary?" Lily said. "You'll understand later."  
Thinking fast, I shoved two fingers down my throat. I could feel bile rising in my throat already, and I lurched and threw up over Cayenne's bed- and, I really did not mean to -Reese. Even though, she was lying stock still, her eyes seemed to darken and flash dangerously.

"Wooow, Mary," Lily said, stepping back, and checking her watch. "Are you- all right?"

I threw up again, this time unwillingly, but swallowed most of the vomit down, and grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey.

"I don't think you should be drinking anymore," she said, but to my immense relief, shrugged and left. The moment the door slammed, I threw down the bottle and grinned, slightly drunkenly around, delighted I'd outwitted Lily. Reese was looking at me like she really hated me, so I took pity on her and wiped the vomit off her hand, with the hem of my robes. Looking down, I debated whether to free them, and decided not to. Somehow, I wanted to find out what Lily was up to, alone. As an adventure. Perhaps, it was selfish, but whatever.

Then I waited for a minute, and slid out of the door, after her.


	19. Chapter 18

**James' POV**

No. No. NO.

Lily, you idiot. You idiot.

What are you doing? Come back! Come back, for my sake. Please! I've waited nearly seven years, completely smitten, and the very day you decide I might not be so bad... No, you haven't yet. You might still not be... I won't say it. Lily, I love you. God, if you ever cared about me, don't let her die.

_I can afford to be honest, since at this stage, there are no consequences. I love you James, and I am crying when I write this._

No. No. NO.

Lily, I love you too, but don't die.

Don't you dare die now.

Only, I scared it's too late.

God, I'm fucking terrified.

Don't go, Lily, don't, don't.

_She already has_.

I looked on the map, and she isn't in her dormitory.

And I can't see her anywhere else either.

"Sirius? Remus? Peter?"

"What...?"

"Forget it."

I haven't the time.

It's running out.

Pride comes before a fall.

Lily, Lily, I love you, don't die, don't. Don't.

I check the map, once more, and then, pure heaven, I see her name- Lily Evans, at the edge, in the forest. The forest...

But she has a chance. I've got a change.

Don't die, darling, don't fall.

I'm coming. _I'm coming_.

It's the last hope I have.

I'm coming... I love you, Lily.

I LOVE YOU, LILY.

_I love you._

Lily?

**A/N: This is the shortest chapter ever, I know.**


	20. Chapter 19

Lily pulled her hair back again, and walked. Even measured steps. She could hear them, and see them too now, though the bracket and obstructing branches. Quickly she pushed past the last thistle and stood in the clearing.

"So you decided to join us, Miss Evans," a sneering voice said. She didn't let herself show any sign of surprise, and looked defiantly at the man who had spoken. He had long blonde hair, and sunken eyes and Lily thought she recognised him though she couldn't place him.

"I did," she replied.

"Ooh, how noble the mudblood is!" a young lady cackled. Lady? She had wild black hair..

Lily winced lightly, remembering Snape.

Behind Bellatrix Lestrange, a girl with long straight brown hair walked up to her. She was fingering her wand nervously, watching. Nobody saw her. She made no noise. She could easily walk away.

###

Mary stood torn, unsure what to do. If she revealed herself, well, what could she do? There were five death eaters and she could only knock one or two down before they swung on her. Then she'd die, with Lily. Yet-

_James._

_He loved her._

_But Mary wanted him too._

_Only... it would kill him to have her_

Mary Macdonald was a Gryffindor for a reason. Their daring, nerve and chivalry set Gryffindors apart. In one fluid movement, she pulled her wand from her pocket and-

"LILY!"

James burst out from nowhere, a huge scratch down his face, his pyjamas ripped, his hair even messier than normal.

"LILY- STUPIFY!"

There was a flash if red light, and one man fell. Lily gave a scream, and began to fight. There were thuds and dust rose in Mary's face, she coughed and darted forward, a branch slapping her face. She could feel the blood running down her cheek, and she couldn't think of a single duelling spell. Hexes. Taunts. Twigs snapping and feet hammering on the ground. A scream. A shout of anger.. _James'_... and his voice paralysed her... she knew nothing, she couldn't run, she couldn't fight. She stumbled and fell face forward, breathing in the dust.

"Poor lover boy!" a women voice taunted. "Ha- her blood mixes with the dirt- the mud- MUDBLOOD!"

"DON'T YOU CALL HER THAT!"

There was thrashing, wands cutting though the air, and a scrambling. Lily's voice... perficus totalus... a thud... silence.

And silence...

and silence...

a ringing in Mary's ears.

"Lily? Are you all right?"

"Y-yes- thanks, James- for coming- you shouldn't."

"You expected me to watch the girl I love die? But that wound-."

"It d-doesn't-."

"You need to go to Pomfrey, Lil..."

"_James..._ James, do you really love me?"  
The ringing was louder, and louder.

"Of coarse."

Mary gave a groan, and her mouth filled with dirt, and she spat onto the ground.

"Oh, James- I love you too-."

The pad of feet, she saw a cloud of dust... almost silence.

They were kissing, Mary was certain.

"I- am- am here, you know," she said, pushing herself to her feet. She could still taste the dirt, but she didn't want to spit it out because James was looking- and Lily- they were both staring at her, arms wrapped around each other, blinking at her.

"Mary?" Lily said.

"I- I didn't see you," James said.

"You pushed past me," Mary said, unable to hide her bitterness. "To reach Lily. You were too- worried- to see me."

She was just invisible to James.

"No, I can't have," James said. "If you'd seen everything, then I'm sure you would have fought, or run to get a teacher, but you wouldn't have just-."

"I was too shocked to fight," Mary explained. "I saw you and I gashed my cheek and I couldn't-."

"Look at Lily," James said. "Look at her arm."

"_James_," Lily hissed. "It doesn't matter- it's not-."

James pulled her arms up to show her; Mary saw her arm was soaked in blood, and the flesh looked almost mangled.

"Lily fought."

"I-."

James shook his head, disgusted, and grabbed Lily's hand, pulling her away. Lily paused for a moment, looking shocked, shaken, and smiled wearily at Mary, before letting James walk her away.

A minute later, through some thistles, Mary saw them kissing passionately again.


	21. Chapter 20

**James POV**  
I hurried away, seething with indigination and anger. I'd never paid much attention to Mary Macdonald before, she was a pussy and an idiot, one of Sirius' one night stands. She was rather pathetic to be honest.  
All the same... she was Gryffindor. She was supposed to be brave, for god's sake! But she'd been happy to watch me and Lily fighting for our lives, and not raise a hair to help. She probably _wouldn't_ have been a help, she was worse than Peter at duelling, but it was the principle! Sheesh, I know I'm not the most moral person in the world, but I swear I'd never, never just watch one of my friends fight, and just- it was- disgusting.  
I felt Lily grab my hand, and I slowed down, immediately calmer. That girl, my Lily, she'd nearly died. And someone who was supposed to be one of her best friends calmly watched her risk her life.  
"James..." she said, wearily, pulling me back. A smile jumped to my face looking into her green eyes, and having her call me 'James'. I was still mad, but she made it better, calmed it down.  
"Lily," I whispered, looking at her arm. "Are you-?"  
"I'm fine," she said, but her voice was small, broken. "But- James- what should we do?"  
"Did you really just say that?" I blurted, laughing.  
"What- yes?" She looked so adorable when she was confused.  
"The Lily I know would tell me what we're doing and slap me if I dared suggest anything else," I said, grinning.  
She burst out laughter, real strong, happy laughter again. I'd made her laugh. That felt good.  
"I hate you," she said, and slapped me lightly on the cheek.  
"Nah, you don't," I said, my hand leaping to the place where she'd slapped me.  
"I don't," Lily agreed, and she looked weary again. "I was stupid back then."  
"Yeah, you were," I said happily. "But I suppose I was a bit as well."  
"A lot, James, a lot."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah."  
We stood, grinning gorkily at each other, Mary's betrayal fading. Lily was alive and well, and teasing me. She looked so pretty, all her sunset hair messy, and I kissed her.  
It was great. Somehow all our energy and laughing came out in the kiss. It was brilliant, warm and cheerful, but I wanted more. I drew back, and Lily's eyes widened in disappointment, but I pushed my lips into back hers, our tongues exploring every corner of each other's mouths, and Lily groaned, and I sighed into her hair... fiery, passionate, furious.  
"I love you," she groaned, running her hand through my hair. "I love you."  
I don't know if you've ever had the explosion, that feeling when someone you love tells you they love you. If you haven't, I hope that you do one day, because it makes everything seem dull and grey, whereas this was warmness, laughter, happiness, love, the meaning of the word.  
Tears pricked my eyes, and I could hardly speak, but the four reply words tumbled from my mouth.  
"I love you too."  
And from the look on her face, she felt as good as I did.


	22. Chapter 21

Mary stood, quite still, for several minutes, her heart hammering in her chest. She known that James fancied Lily, and that Lily fancied him back, but all the same... it was harsh, really harsh. Finally, she could bear it no longer and stumbled away, wiping the image of James and Lily snogging from her mind. They were entitled to, after all. Then she went back into her dormitory, stunned the girls lying body-bound on the fall, out of kindness, and dropped into bed. Staring up at the ceiling, Mary wondered what it was about James Potter that enthralled her.  
He was handsome, funny, witty, brave, loyal, clever, sporty, sweet, kind... all the normal answers rose in her mind, but she pushed them away, sighing.  
He'd never looked at her as more than the silly, weak girl who was friends with Lily, and face it, he never would. Fuck Lily. Perfect little Lily Evans, with her red hair that made her stand out a mile... _she_ blended in till she was invisible, with her boring brown hair... making friends with Slytherins-

Slytherins?

* * *

How stupid was she? She knew the entrance to the Slytherin common room by luck, but she hadn't the faintest idea of the password. God. It looked like she was going to be forced to hover here till a perfect appeared and gave her detention. What an idiot.

Just then, the portrait door swung open and Mary jumped backwards. A pale weedy third-year Slytherin girl appeared, peering at her suspiciously.

"What are you doing?" she said, glaring.

"Oh- nothing," Mary said, gripping her wand tightly.

"What do you what?" she said.

"Can you get Snape- Severus Snape?" Mary said, throwing cation to the wind.

"Him!" the girl said in surprise. "Him- he's sitting in the common room brooding over something- what do want with him, anyway?"

"Still?" Mary said shrewdly. "It's very late, past two."

"Yeah, well," the girl said grumpily. "He's the only one- but what do you want?"

"Nothing, nothing," Mary said, looking at the door. The girl was holding it a crack open, just a crack.

"I know who you are!" the girl suddenly burst out, laughing. "You're the mudblood who-."

"I wouldn't finish that thought," Mary snapped, drawing her wand, even though she had no idea of what the girl was going to say. "Anyway... why are you wandering the school at this time of night?"

"You can talk," she flung back. "What are _you_ doing?!"

"Me? I'm a perfect," Mary lied swiftly, crossing her arms. Ha- she'd never be perfect over Lily, never. "And that'd be fifty points from Slytherin, that will."

"Oh, really?" the girl said, though she looked inwardly furious. Mary wondered what allowed prefects to deduct points- their badges? She didn't think anything would happen.

"I _might_ give you back those points though," Mary said sweetly. "If you do me a little favour." **(The spellcheck doesn't like it but I ****refuse**** to spell it the American way, sorry, Americans.)**

"Yeah, you cheating Gryffindor arseholes will always back out of the deal," the girl snapped. "Like I'd trust you!"

"Fifty points to Slytherin then, if it makes you happy," Mary said lazily. "Now let me into the common room."

"What?" the girl said, slamming the door shut.

"Open it or I'll take-."

"Shit. Well, fine, whatever, go on," the girl said, muttering the password and hurling the door open. Grinning, amazed, Mary went in, laughing to herself. And weren't Slytherins supposed to be cunning?! It was dimly lit, aligned with dark green banners, that gave it a slightly sinister air. For some reason, Mary found herself tip-toeing, her feet sliding on the slimy floor. And then she rounded a corner and ran straight into Severus Snape, staring broodingly at her.

**A/N: This is such a filler and we all know it, but more chapters up soon!**


	23. Chapter 23

"Mary!" Severus said in surprise, getting to his feet so fast all his paper cascaded to the floor. "What are you doing here?"

"Me?" I said, grinning. "Oh, I just popped in for a chat."

Severus shook his head, staring at me.

"And I wondered if we could I dunno- chat?" I said, giggling at his expression.

"How did you get in?" he asked.

"Bullied a third year into letting me in," I said. "But can we go somewhere that isn't the enemies' den?"

"Enemies den?" Severus said, laughing slightly unwillingly. "Gosh, Mary."

"Well, Mulciber tried to kill me once," I said. "He might appear any second, you know- or any other muggle-born hater... which is most Slytherins, to be honest."

"I don't hate muggle-borns," Severus said, rather defensively.

"I said _most_, Severus, not all, here the difference," I snapped. "Besides, most of the time you do."

"Do what?" Severus said, eyes boring into mine, daring me to say it. I became aware that I was pretty much completely at his mercy, coming into the Slytherin common room, indeed, a Slytherin _could_ appear at any moment, and most likely curse me into pieces. Slytherins would love to rip me up- every one of them, really.

I don't count Severus as a true Slytherin. He isn't completely evil.

"Hate muggle-borns," I said, just to annoy him.

"I don't," Severus snapped back, and I smiled at how quickly he lost his cool if I so much as mentioned the standard persona for Slytherins. "No, I don't," he added, noticing my smile. "Look I'm haven't attacked you."

"Listen to yourself," I laughed. "So you admit Slytherins attack everyone else, yeah? Bit evil of you."

"You are such a bloody Gryffindor, who thinks 'cos we're not popular with other houses we have to be evil... you disgust me!"

"Am I evil then?" I teased, and Severus hurled his ink-pot at me. I sniggered as it missed me by about a mile, and splattered across someone's robes hanging on a chair.

"Temper, temper," I mock scolded. "And if you want to lose your temper, do it in style yeah? Scream, or slap, or storm from the room... or at least get a better aim."

"I hate you," Severus said, collapsing in the chair again.

"Ah, poor little Snivellus," I said, winding him up even more.

"Don't call me that!" Severus yelled suddenly. "Seriously, Mary, don't. And I don't hate muggle-borns! I fell for Lily, didn't I?"

There was a few seconds of awkward silence. I'd forgotten that Severus was in love with Lily, to be honest, and his words stung.

I blinked at him. "Well, I beg your pardon for breathing," I said, annoyed. Severus scowled.

"So what did you want anyway?" he said.

I hesitated, and nodded slightly. "Well, outside?"

"Why?" Severus said suspiciously.

"I'm planning on murdering you," I said briskly. "No, you idiot, I don't want to be overheard, and besides it isn't nice in here."

"Overheard?" Severus snorted. "Nobody will come down at this time of night, and we're far more likely to be found with prefects wandering about out there! But you're _scared_ of Slytherin, aren't you?" he finished, smirking, eyes narrowed.

I blushed. "I just do not get why anyone would decorate a room so- so- gloomily."

"Terrified," Severus said quietly, smiling.

As a matter of fact, I was a bit. The huge snake banners seem to be observing me with beady eyes, knowing I was an intruder, and I swear I saw one slither, just an inch. The floor was slimy beneath my feet, and it felt wrong- I knew I shouldn't be here. Well, I shouldn't be wandering the corridors either, but if I was found, I'd get detention... points deducted, but nobody would really raise an eyebrow. But if I was found here- with a Slytherin- _well_.

"You are!" Severus said.

"Fine! I am, so can we go?" I begged.

"I suppose we better," Severus said, looking shrewdly past her, and I looked round nervously. "If the snakes realise they's an intruder, they might attack, and that could be rather messy..."

"ATTACK?" I shrieked, flinging myself away from the banners. "God, Severus, you could have tol- oh- right- oh..."

I broke off, red in the face, standing awkwardly, as Severus howled with laughter.

"Your face, Mary," he laughed, doubling up, and my cheeks burnt.

"You git, Sev," I said, and I found myself giggling.

"Priceless... priceless, Mary," Severus said, his sniggers fading away.

I laughed and then sighed, placing a hand over my heart, and Sev rolled his eyes.

"_Can_ we go somewhere else, though?" I said, once Severus had stopped laughing at me. He nodded briefly, and scraped up his papers, still struggling not to laugh.

"You know you sounded like a banshee," Severus said.

"Shut up."

"Snakey," Severus said. "Your new name."

"Snivellus."

"Hiss... there's a snake behind you."

It wasn't even convincing and I just rolled my eyes, and we left the common room. "I've got to talk to you about something," I said, to stop him hissing. Severus stopped mid-hiss, and nodded, rather apprehensively.

"About the letter?" he said. I looked at him in surprise, and he raised an eyebrow. I immediately felt bad at thinking he would have forgotten; he was in love with Lily after all. I suppose that was what he had been brooding over when I came in, dreaming about Lily. It had been a while since I hung around Lily, I simply couldn't bear to have Reese cross examine her about James, though it held a certain horror-movie fascination for me. We started to climb up from the dungeons, and I didn't reply till we had flopped down in a kind of box room.

"Yeah."

"So.. so what happened?" Severus said nervously.

"To be honest, I have no idea," I said, suddenly guilty about how I hadn't spared a thought for Lily- or James, who I was in love with- for the whole time me and Severus had been winding each other up.

"So?"

"They're together, James and Lily, for definite," I said, all in a rush. "It's completely rosy between them, I think, _true love_," I added scornfully, painfully jealous.

"You- you sure?" Severus said, his voice rather dry.

"Certain. I saw them at it," I said, the memory flooding into my mind.

Severus gave a quick nod, but apart from that he didn't move. Not outwardly anyway, but I thought he seemed to crumple from inside. I felt a stab of pity for the Slytherin, though there was no need. I loved James Potter as much as Severus loved Lily Evans, most probably more. After all, Severus was a Slytherin and Lily a Gryffidor, and me and James were in the same house.

Quickly, I told him everything.

"Well, for once in my life, I actually sympathies with Potter," Severus said, in a strange far away and almost betrayed voice. "You just lay there, watching, and let Lily and Potter fight, just because _some dust got in your_ _eye?_"


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: OK, I know the chapter names missed '22', but I don't think you can change chapter names now so... whatever.**

"James."

"What?"

"We can't just stand here, you know," Lily reminded me. "Those death eaters might wake up any time, and besides, well, we have to tell a teacher."

I groaned, but I knew she was right really. "Fine, Lily," I said. "Should have known you'd start telling me what to do after a while."

"I'm serious," she said.

"No, that's my best friend, Lil."

"What.. oh, I see, well, that joke is so pathetic."

"That's what makes it so hilarious," I said, grinning. "It's so pathetically old. But, yeah, I agree."

"You agree?" Lily said, raising an eyebrow. "Did the great James Potter, the arrogant toerag of his _marauders _just say-?"

"All right, all right," I said, annoyed and embarrassed. "I've changed now, you know, and... I'm only agreeing 'cos of your arm."

"Oh," she said dully, looking at it, and pulling up her sleeve. I held her arm, scared to touch it, and the blood was drying. It could be infected, we couldn't wait around.

"Go to the Hospital Wing," I commanded, and raised a hand as she started to protest. "No, I mean it, go to the Hospital Wing, and I'll tell- tell Dumbledore. I don't care what those- those- things said they'd do if you told, but I will not let my girlfriends life be endangered and not have the culprit pay, yeah?" I can't tell you how good the word 'girlfriend' felt, honestly, I felt like swelling with pride. Yes, Lily didn't protest as I said it, just laughed softly, obviously pleased.

"I don't know why I have such a bossyboots for a boyfriend," she said, but we both knew she was returned a compliment. I was Lily Evans' boyfriend. Awesome. I considered grabbing her for a quick snog, but then I saw her arm, and sighed.

"Let's go."

I tried to take her hand but we kept stumbling over branches so much, and yanking the others' arm out of it's socket, practically, that we had to give that up. After several minutes, we found the path, and jogged along it. It occurred to me it might be faster if I transformed into a stag, and Lily could ride on my back.. but I decided I wanted to get out of here alive, so I decided not to.

There was a dim light spreading over the tops of the mountains as we came out of the forest, and we could plainly make out Hagrid's pumpkin patch and the winding path up to school. We must have been in the depths of the forest for longer than I realised. When I'd charged down the path after Lily it was so dark I could only see a few feet in front of my face, in stag form that was.

"I like dawn," Lily said, also staring up to the tops of the mountains, and reaching for my hand. There was something beautiful about that. "And sunset."

"Typical girl," I replied, but I too liked the light red clouds.

"Hey!" Lily said, pushing her body against me and the moment was lost. I barged against her too, and we walked briskly up to the castle. She looked stunning, her red hair whipping her shoulders, illuminated by red light.

"Lily," I said, without thinking. "I love you."

She stopped, and grinned at me for a second. "You said," she said, her green eyes sparkling.

"I know," I shrugged, fidgeting. "I just wanted you to know, it doesn't-."

"I love you too," she said, and kissed me quickly on the cheek, then skipped away. "James... you'll go to Dumbledore now, right? Not Sirius!"

"You have so little trust in me," I sighed. "Yes, I will. And you'll go to-."

"_Yes_," Lily said. "I will. Well, bye."

I watched her go with my heart fit to break... I wasn't sad. Finally she vanished behind a tree, and I walked inside, dreaming of Lily. I was thinking about her so much I ended up going somewhere in the dungeons, and had to wander up again. I considered visiting the Hospital Wing to see Lily, but decided she'd want me to see Dumbledore first.

But I ran into two other people first.

I pushed open a door, and gaped at them. The first was a girl with long brown hair, facing away from me. I knew her vaguely but I couldn't place her. _I _ could place the boy though, the greasy haired Slytherin was none other than _Snivellus_.

He gasped, and lunged for his wand, and the girl swung round.

My turn to gasp.

"James!" Mary groaned.

I looked from Snape to Mary, dumbstruck.

"What are you doing with... him?" I said.

"None of your business!" Snivellus shouted, leaping to his feet.

"Macdonald?" I asked coldly.

She looked at me, seemingly unable to speak, and blushed guiltily.

"Are you _friends_?" I asked slowly, disgusted.

Mary took a deep breathe, crossed her arms, her eyes filling with tears... _pathetic idiot._.. and nodded.

Nodded.


	25. Chapter 25

**Mary**

"You're friends with _him?_" James said, disgust dripping of his tongue. I didn't like his tone at all. And I sound like a teacher. But I really didn't.

"Got a problem with that?" Severus said, stepping in front of me, brandishing his wand like a sword.

"Well, well, Snivellus," James said, laughing coolly, in a way that made my flesh turn over. God, he sounded like those death eaters. "I knew you were pathetic, but I didn't think you'd sink so low."

Severus let out an angry hissing noise, like a snake, and they began to circle each other, wands up the ready. Hatred was mirrored on each face, pure hatred. It was quite scary. Severus looked demented with rage, and James- well. His hazel eyes were flashing like steel, and his black hair was all over the place. He had an icy sense of handsomeness, that made my stomach churn. I didn't know what I wanted to happen, who I wanted to win. My friend, my Slytherin friend, someone I was supposed to hate, and actually quite liked or- my crush, the popular, funny, cool, sexy marauder who honestly didn't give a damn about me.

"But then you are a fifthly Slytherin," James spat, and I winced. "You need a bath as well. No wonder Lily got bored of you."

That was harsh. Particularly when I knew Severus was in love with her.

"Shut _up_!" Severus exploded.

"She told me she wished she'd got rid of you earlier, you know. But pity kept her with you... who wouldn't pity you?" James sneered, and I felt myself gaping. James Potter didn't say things like that, or only to vermin who didn't matter- it was hilarious when he wound Slytherins up.

He'd wound up Severus quite a bit actually when I thought about it. It had been great, and I'd laughed along. But now I knew Severus, it seemed it bit less funny.

"The boy who's never had a girlfriend, no friends, hair so greasy-."

"Sectumsempra!" Severus yelled, and James had to leap to avoid the spell but it still grazed him across the cheek, and blood poured from his face.

"James!" I shrieked, starting to run forward, and then I lost my nerve and dropped down again. "What the fuck, Snape?" I added, swinging on Severus. "That wound is horrible! If it's infected, it could kill him- how could you?"

"We all know that you've been brainwashed into worshiping Potter!" Severus growled. "Can't you see-."

"Oh, even Macdonald thinks you're a waste a space!" James yelled, and silently shot a spell at Severus.

"-I don't-" I said, torn.

The spell hit Severus before he could move, and he was flung back against the wall, his wand flying from his hand in an arch. With his chaser skills, he grabbed it easily with one hand, smirking.

"This can be my keep-sake," James said lazily, shooting another hex at Severus so he cartwheeled through the air banging his head on the ceiling, and crumpling on the fall. And again.

"Don't!" I wailed, unable to stop the words bursting out, suddenly determined to defend my the only person I'd ever been able to confide in.

"Oh yeah," James said, turning to look at me. "Macdonald, I'd forgotten you were there."

I don't how he managed to wreck my spirit in seven words, but he did. Charming. Forgotten I was there. It's like I'm invisible. Sometimes, I think I'm a ghost. No one pays the least bit of attention to me, and I'm in love with James.

Well, Severus pays some attention to me but he's a Slytherin, he doesn't count. Gryffindors and Slytherins- they don't mix. You know, I think I should let James do whatever he's going to do to Severus- to Snape. He's in my house, and Snape isn't. Yeah, I should just forget him. I'm in love with _James_, I should defend him.

"Whatever," I muttered, not able to meet Severus, I mean Snape's, eye. "Go on."

"How are you friends with Snivellus?" James asked, causally shooting a stinging hex at Severu- Snape.

"I'm not," I said quietly, turning my back on Se- Snape.

"No?" James said, suspiciously.

"No," I agreed, rather breathlessly. I felt like I had ran a mile. This was a huge decision in my life, I felt. Snape or James?

My enemies, or my house?

Slytherin or Gryffindor?

Evil or good?

I knew I had made the right choice.

**A/N: I hate James, by the way... at least I do in this fic. Shame, before I started writing fanfiction, he was like one of my favourite characters, and now I hate sort of hate him. Random fact: my best friend has a brother and sister called Lily and James. No incest though, I swear. (: Yeah, James is about three, so definitely not. And she's called Rebecca which has no connection to Harry Potter, so I think it was luck.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Mary**

"What on earth do you think you're doing!?" a voice exclaimed, and we swung round to see Professor McGonagall staring disapprovingly at us.

"Minnie Mouse," groaned James, and I giggled, beside myself.

"Potter!" McGonagall said. "I though now had responsibility on your shoulders you would, at least, stop blatantly breaking rules!"

"I have an excuse," James said quickly. "I was going to report to Dumbledore; there were death eaters in the forest and-."

"Really, Potter!" McGonagall. "I shall not believe."

"It's true, Miss," I said hastily. "I swear."

The sight of two more blatant rule-breakers seemed to unnerve McGonagall. She stumbled back, horrified. "It all my time at Hogwarts," she said, in a shaky voice. "Three students- seventh years at that- out of bed- one of them Head Boy- I'm disappointed in you-."

"Snivellus doesn't count as a student," James muttered, but in the silence it was very audible. McGonagall sniffed.

"So I suppose you thought it acceptable to come out here-," she said, her voice rising steadily.

"No, yes, professor," James said. "But they're death eaters in the forest... Lily went to the Hospital Wing, and I bumped into these." He jerked his hand towards me and Sever- I mean _Snape_.

"What nonsense is this?" McGonagall demanded. "Come with me, I shall take this to Dumbledore. We simply cannot have the Head Boy... I must say, when he gave the position to you I was dubious..."

"James is a good Head Boy," I said, then blushed scarlet as James scrutinized me, eyes narrowed.

"You will explain this death eater rumour to the headmaster, I think," McGonagall said.

"It isn't a rumour," both me and James said together. McGonagall sniffed again. Behind us, I could tell that Se-Snape was gathering himself to his feet, wiping a trickle of blood from his face. Well, I shouldn't feel sorry for him, he did just as bad to James, didn't he? Besides, he. Is. A. Slytherin. I've just got to think of him as that, nothing more.

"Snape?" McGonagall said, staring at him for a moment, then glowering at James again. "I remember an incident of bullying when-."

"That scum isn't worth our time," James said hurriedly. I wondered why he had to call Severus scum... Snape scum all the time. He was a person, after all, and, really, James was sort of bullying Snape. It was funny, but, well, what good did it do? I wasn't exactly helping, I realised with a heavy heart, pretending to make friends with him, then dropping him like a stone once James turned up. Yeah, I bet he felt just brilliant, being chucked against a wall, and his supposed friend not helping.

But what was I supposed to do then? Stand up for Snape? Against James? James Potter? No way. James was worth a thousand Snapes, honestly. Soppy, but I think I love him.

"No," I agreed dully.

McGonagall ignored us, but gave us a look which said we would hear about this later.

"Follow me," she said.

We climbed up from the dungeons, McGonagall walking briskly, then James, strutting along, though he kept turning and giving Snape dark, angry looks, then grinning aggravatingly. At least I hope it was just at Snape, not me as well, because it felt like it, a bit. I came next, trying to gape at James, and ogle his arse- dammit, he sure did have a good arse. I suppose it must be all that Quidditch. It's probably very arse-defining- but blushing violently and uncontrollable whenever he looked round and dropping my gaze to the floor. Seve- Snape took up the rear, trudging along, head bent. Whenever a shot a looks at Snape, he gave me a long, sad, puppy-dog look which twanged my heartstrings.

"Peanut butter," McGonagall snapped, and I giggled, earning myself a glare.

"Peanut butter?" I repeated in an undertone. James didn't laugh, but fixed with a cold, unwavering look. Severu- _Snape-_ sniggered slightly, and hissed, laughing,

"God, Mary, it's a password."

I found myself smirking at him, some of the worry draining away, but then James said muttered, "Slytherin lover," and I dropped my gaze, furious with myself. When James had turned his back on me, I glanced round at Snape again, and he gave me the coldest look I'd ever seen.

"Inside," McGonagall commanded, though she was looking at us with barely concealed interest. We climbed a winding staircase, sinking into worried, bitter silence again, till we reached a silver door, and McGonagall rapped her knuckles against it, and Dumbledore called us in.


	27. Chapter 27

**James**

What a day! I'm was nearly dead on my feet when Dumbles left, and McGonagall finally let is go. Literally. Shock, anger, and tiredness made my head spin. I could hardly believe what had happened.

Lily charging out at breakfast... finding her in the room of requirements... her kissing me for the first time... running away from me... finding that letter, I nearly died with worry... rushing into the forest... I always imagined I'd like duelling, I wanted an auror, but it painful, lunging and dodging, pulling Lily down and at the same time having to think of spell to shoot at them, and having at aim... a curse hitting Lily's arm and her toppling over, giving a wail of shock, my heart jamming in my chest... a burst of triumph as we overcame them... flirting with Lily, kissing her again... Mary appearing out of nowhere, saying we had been watching, I was so angry that she been such a coward, and it was just creepy too, her appearing like a ghost almost... God, then meeting Snivellus and her again, and them acting like old buddies, I don't get that... then Minnie catching us, and not believing that there were death eaters in forest, just thank goodness Dumbles did. I hope he caught them.

Minnie lectured us for ages, you know, the normal stuff, how _terrible_ it was for us to be behaving like this, couldn't we fix our differences? She obviously thought Mary had been ganging up on Snivellus too, I don't blame her, Gryffindors and Slytherins aren't friends, simply aren't.

But, finally, after what seemed hours, we could go.

Snivellus went off to the dungeons, in a completely different direction to us straight away, not looking at either of us, which left me and to walk back to the Gryffindor common room together. It was, to say the least, awkward. She kept throwing these freaky, half-terrified, half-adoring looks, which makes me wonder if she fancies me or something. Ah, I really hope not. Mary isn't a girl you'd want to fancy you. Not that I'd look at any girl but Lily, but, to the point, Mary is weird.

She's painfully shy, like, seriously, cannot string two words together. She really plain too with dark brown hair and skin that always looks dirty. And she's about as clever as Wormtail, lesson wise.

"What were you doing with Snivellus?" I asked.

She shrugged, and stared at her shoes.

"Tell me," I persist. Perseverance is one of my best qualities. I wouldn't have the maddest, prettiest, cleverest, coolest (I think) girl in the school as my girlfriend otherwise.

"Nothing," she managed to say, but blushed. From that, I deduce that she either definitely fancies me, or she was doing something with Snivellus. I decide the latter is less frightening.

"OK, answer me this instead," I said briskly. "Why did you go to that box room after you watched the duel? Incidentally, why were watching the duel?"

Mary let out a long, shattering breathe. "Well, I, I," she stuttered. "M-me and Reese-."

"Reese?" I said. "Sirius' crush? I like her, she's funny."

"Yes, that's the one," Mary said, sounding thoroughly miserable. "We saw that she was still in her clothes and worked out that she planning to sneek out, and I think we were both planning to follow her..."

"Yes?" I press on, eagerly. Mary Macdonald might be a bore, but she was sharper than I thought. Well, she's lacks a bit of common sense if she was friends with Snivellus, honestly.

"Lily stunned Reese and the other girls," Mary said. "But I pretended to be drunk, and she left me."

"Riiiight..." I said slowly. "And?"

"So I followed her," Mary said with a shrug. "But before I could confront her you pushed past me and started fighting and- well- I watched."

"That was seriously creepy," I said.

"Yeah," Mary said, sighing. "But now, you tell me how did you know?"

"She sent me a letter," I said, shrugging. Somehow I really didn't want to show it to anyone- it was _private._

"Oh," Mary said again, sounding a bit gormless.

"Then why were you with Snivellus?!" I said. "Snivellus, of all people!"

"Don't call him that," she said quickly, then stopped, one hand clamped over her mouth.

"Call who what?" Lily said icily, rounding the corner.

"Lily!" I gasped, hoping she hadn't heard but not really believing it. I never meant to tell _Lily _about Mary betrayal! I knew how hard it would hurt her. She had heard though, I could tell. Those brilliant piecing green eyes of her were like slits, and if anything, her cheeks were paler than ever. It gave her a slightly marble-like look, she looked stunning, but I couldn't help cringe a little. Why did she have to hear? "Why aren't you- Hospital Wing?" I said.

Lily didn't bother answering, and I didn't really blame her. "Mary, what were you saying about Snape," she said, turning on Mary, who froze and glanced automatically at me.

"She's his friend!" I shouted suddenly, the words exploding from my lips before I could stop them. "Lily, she's been flirting with him for ages! Though he's a Slytherin and you're ex-friend! She- she's- betrayi-..." I faded as Lily's eyes, widened and swung her hair across her shoulder. She seemed strong, powerful, furious, but I thought her lip was quivering slightly, and there could been tears welling in her eyes. I wanted to comfort her, but I'd been the one who'd caused the pain.

"Mary?" she whispered.

The girl looked from her feet to the ceiling, and I felt a rush of hate, really hate for doing this to Lily, and even more hate when she didn't deny it. She stuttered something, and tried to make Lily come with her, but she pushed her arm of and walked away from Mary.

And also me.


	28. Chapter 28

**Mary**

Have you ever felt like you're whole world is falling apart, and you can only watch the damage, watch it be ripped into pieces? I didn't understand grief before. It was a foreign concept to me, something we talked about a bit in English lessons at my first Muggle school, something you read about in books, but that was all. It was in a different dimension- till now.

Grief doesn't have to follow death, not necessarily. Grief is that slow, cold cracking feeling in your heart, and it can follow anything. It's like twisted love, and it was immobilising me, bit by bit.

I loved James Potter- but why loved? I love him, but I do have morals. Morals... what a horrible, sticky sort of world, all very prim and proper, and fake. It makes me think of priests going _on_ and _on, _about things nobody cares about. You stick in R.E essays, but it normally doesn't get further than that.

And Severus Snape?

He was the complete opposite of the boy I supposed I loved. He was everything I didn't want to be, and yet felt that I was. Unpopular, mocked, pathetically in love with someone who didn't like them back, unnoticed, uninteresting. Yeah, that was me- and Severus Snape as well.

It scared me, almost, how similar we were. He was the enemy, the Slytherin, and yet, in a moment of anger and desperation we'd become strange, twisted friends. But friends. He had been a good friend, my confederate really, and it was rather _immoral_ to abandon him.

James had attacked him. And I had seen him do it with my own eyes, many, many times. Only this time it had ripped me in two.

I had chosen the choice I was supposed to make, the choice everyone expected me to make, only whichever choice I made, it would have been the wrong one for James Potter. No- that's wrong. It was already too late, far too late. James knew that I had liked him, and I may have thrown him to the sharks, but the deed was done, and it would always be there, whatever I did, however much I fought.

They were going to catch up on me, and punish me, them all. It was, like I said, too late. Once you've made a mistake, you can't reverse it.

So why did I feel like my mistake had been... not really a mistake after all?


	29. Chapter 29

**James**

**A/N: So the last chapter was maybe a bit over-dramatic, but I think it was necessary for the plot to work. **

"Lily, you idiot," I hissed, and pushed past Mary. I wasn't really angry with her I don't think, more with that freak Mary Macdonald! I just couldn't be bothered to talk to her. "Lily?"

Lily turned for a second to look at me, her lips a thin line. "What?" she said weakly.

I smirked, delighted I had her attention. "I'm sorry," I say, even though it's far from my fault.

"I'm not upset with _you_," Lily said, drenching up a smile. "Just Mary... and I'm kind of shocked. I don't like... mentions of Sev always shake me up."

I frowned at 'Sev'. Why was she still calling him that nickname after all he's done? She hated him! But I was pleased that she doesn't blame me or anything- just Mary. I'll get back up Mary for doing this to my Lily. "Don't call him that," I muttered, stepping closer to her. "He- and that Mary- are bad, _bad, _news, you know that?"

A crease in her forehead appears and she shrugged, glowering. "Mary and Sev were my friends," she reminded me, slightly coolly.

"Were," I said.

She shrugged again, but she looking at me in a strange, almost vicious way, like she did years, when she hated my guts.

"Forget them, Lil," I said, and lean forward to kiss her.

**A/N: Another really short chapter, sorry.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Lily**

No- no, Mary wouldn't. When Severus spectacularly called me 'Mudblood', she seemed to really hate him. But from far away, as if from out of another world, I remember who Mary said she'd been hanging out with earlier. Sev- that's what I thought she'd said, though one of the others had thought she said Saba, I think. But- no. It was like a betrayal. It always would be a bit of a betrayal to befriend a Slytherin, but the boy who'd called me 'mudblood'...? I never thought a girl like Mary would have the nerve, yet alone the disloyalty to her so-called friends.

"LILY!"

I turn, and see my boyfriend, looking at me, completely desperately, and wonder how I ever thought I loved him. Perhaps if people tell you you love someone for long enough, you actually start to believe it.

"What?" I say. I won't jump to conclusions. It could be a big misunderstanding. Mary could have been doing anything. James could have nothing to do with it all.

He smirked at me, and I scowl. This isn't the time for James to smirk and pretend we're utterly in love. I wish he wouldn't, personally, though others have told me it's cute.

"I'm sorry," he said, bowing his head, and it seemed to twang my heartstrings. I want to say 'you should be', but I haven't the heart. His hair's all messy, and his eyes are steady, hopeful, and I can't bring myself to smash the hope.

"I'm not upset with you," I said dutifully. I try to say I'm not upset with Mary as well, but I find that I can't say that, because I am, I'm furious at both of them: Mary for being friends with him, and James for telling me. "Just Mary." I pause, taking in his expression, and he actually looks please, so I try to pull him down. "And I'm kind of shocked." I grin, a bit pathetically. I want James to tell what the hell is going on but he doesn't seem to be going to. "I don't like... mentions of Sev always shake me up."

"Don't call him that," he said. "He and Mary are bad, bad news, y'know that?"

I glare at him, annoyed by his careless tone. He doesn't seem to be going to tell a thing. And why does he think he has the authority to say that my friends, ex-friends, were a mistake. I don't regret being friends with Severus, not at all. "Mary and Sev were my friends!" I cry. My friends!

"Were," he said, cheekily, and irritation bubbles up inside me like hot acid. He's missing the point. Yes- yes, they aren't my best of buddies now, but they were! I liked them!

He leans forward suddenly, and slides a hand around my waist. I try to shake him off, but immediately his lips are on mine, and his tongue is sliding into my mouth. God. Can't he see that now isn't the moment to _snog_!? We need to talk, to sort things out! I wriggle away, but his arms tightens and I have a sudden thought that he won't let me escape, that I'm his prisoner, and I can't get out.

Then, I push the thought to the very back of my mind, though it doesn't vanish. He's my boyfriend. My new, sizzling hot, witty, popular boyfriend. No wonder he wants to kiss me... we've only been together for a few hours!

It's still the honeymoon stage... sweet, romantic, perfect.

I have to laugh at that last thought, because this kiss isn't nothing like romantic, not at all. I manage to hold it in, just, but it's a close thing. For a second, I fancy that James pulls back, confused, hurt. It doesn't make me moan as he steps back, like all the magazine girls do, it fact for a second I feel quite happy. Relieved. That's something the magazines never told you about. They never told us about tiring kissing can be, having to endlessly worry about whether you're supposed to be doing tongue, whether you're being watched, whether the chilli con carne I had two days ago... or maybe that's just me.

"Did you laugh?" he asked.

I shrug. I can't tell the truth, it would seem way to messed up, but if I say 'no', he might start kissing me again.

He does anyway, after a second, when he searches my face to check it's good enough. I try to lose myself in the kiss, like I've done before. Well, I haven't had so many kisses because James normally terrorizes any boy who so much as flirted with me. I had two real relationships, one with a boy two years older than me, curly brown hair and a Spanish tan. I took great pleasure in making out with him in front of James, I guess you could say I was using him, just at the start, but after a while I genuinely fell for him. Reese never liked him, she kept wanting me to date James, but Mary was so keen on me dating him I sometimes wondered if she had a crush on him herself. Pablo Marks, he was called. He had a lot of fun together; I lost my virgincy to him. We split up though, when he left Hogwarts, having a relationship with him working just wasn't going to happen. He was the who broke it off.

The only other relationship I've had was with a boy called Alex Johnson, in third year. I was besotted with him, honestly, I thought it was a dream come true when he kissed me. I'm not sure why now, he isn't the sort that sends most girls into raptures of delight. He wasn't a dream come true though, not at all. Unlike Pablo he was in our year, and James would find it easy to torment him. Unlike Pablo he just wasn't good at ignoring James, so when he found out, he dumped me. James never forgive him; I'm not sure whether it was 'cos I was mad about him, and he was jealous, or 'cos he broke my heart. I hated James for breaking us up though, at the time I was crazy about him, really, the closest I've ever been to in love. Now, I'm civil with him, sort of friends, but that's all.

I'm suddenly aware you're probably not supposed to start dreaming about other boys when your current boyfriend has his hand down your top. It scares me, the look of slavish admiration on his face, more than that it terrifies me. But when I wriggle his arms tightened around me.


	31. Chapter 31

**James**

She was so indifferent somehow, and everything she did was completely lacking in passion. It was horrible. I'd rather she was still mad at me, almost. No- that's a terrible thing to say, when she hated me it was soul-destroying, honestly.

"Well, night, Lily," I said, running a hand through her hair.

"Goodnight, James," she said immediately, wriggling out of my grasp, and something drops into the pit of my stomach. Her smile is rather forced, and then she runs up the girl's stairs, where I can't follow. But even if I could, I wouldn't somehow. It's a dismissal, plain and clear.

For six years, I've been driving Lily mad, not leaving her alone, however much she stomped on me. But now, I just couldn't.

I blame Mary Macdonald.

She's done something to Lily, made her implode, fall into herself, shutting me out, so all I get is the dull misery waves. I hate that girl Mary now, I hate her. I wish she would crawl into a corner and die.

* * *

"You're _kidding_!" Sirius said, impressed.

"I'm perfectly serious," I replied, anticipating Sirius reply and sure enough:

"You're not Sirius- I AM!"

We all roared with laughter. Sirius is pathetic.

"Will you ever get bored of that joke?" Peter giggled.

"Nope- never!" Sirius grinned.

"God, Siriusly, that joke is so pathetically old," Remus said, with a small smile.

"So why were you laughing?" Sirius said, with an air of triumph.

"We were laughing at you, not with you!" Remus said.

"We weren't!" Peter said.

"'Cos you're a pathetic loser," I said.

"Me? No, Siriusly?" Sirius said, and we all laughed again. I don't know how many times we've had this conversation, but it still makes us grin like maniacs. Only my idiots of friends could make me cheerful after last night.

"Talking about being serious," Remus said.

"Serious or Sirius?" I asked.

"See-ri-ous," Remus said slowly. "What happened next? After you found Lily's letter?"

"Yeah, can we read it?" Sirius smirked.

"No, you can not," I said.

"Oooh, touchy now, aren't you?" Sirius said. I rolled my eyes.

"Do you want to know what happened or not?" I asked.

"Yes, tell us!" Peter begged.

Slightly grudgingly, to wind Sirius up, I told them everything.

"Mary Macdonald, though!" I finished. "Who would have thought she was so, so-."

"Jerkish," Sirius said. "But... wow... I never really noticed her before, she was like a mouse she was so quiet, and she wasn't hot-."

"'Course if a girl isn't hot you don't bother with her," Remus said.

"That's right," Sirius dismissed. "Who wants an ugly bird, yeah? But, I mean it, Mary Macdonald! Is this a prank, James?"

"Never," I said. "I just don't know what she's done to Lily. She's completely emotionless, and like all miserable! You know, I hate her!"

"That is a bit harsh," Remus said, but he was voted down.

"How is it?" I cried. "She's friends with Snivellus, for God's sake!"

"Totally," Sirius added. "She's betraying Gryffindor flirting with snakes."

"Yeah, who does she think she is?" Peter added.

"She needs teaching a lesson," Sirius said, disgusted.

"You've never been more right," I said. "Well, this is the only time you've been right, _ever,_ so-."

"Shut up!" Remus said suddenly. "I don't know about this."

"So what should we do tell her to skip off with Slytherins?" I said angrily.

"No... but..."

"Remus," Sirius interrupted, sounding the most serious I've ever seen him. "We can't let her get anyway with hanging out with Slytherins. It was different with Lily, so don't say that! No, we need to teach her a lesson, and soon."

I nodded grimly. Maybe this would be the thing which cheered Lily up again. Or if it wasn't, at least it could be revenge, sweet revenge. "And it better be a harsh one," I said.


	32. Chapter 32

"Wake up!" Reese is yelling in my ear. "Oy, Mary, _wake up!_"

Slowly, dreadfully, I regain consciousness, and the dorm spins into view. Cayenne is sitting on the edge of her bed, brushing her short blond hair, George is flicking through a magazine, Reese is leering down at me, waving her wand in my face, and Lily is nowhere to be seen.

I hastily shut my eyes again, but it's too late; I can hear everyone talking, gossiping, muttering.

"I know you're awake," Reese says crisply. "Do I have to spray water on you to prove it?"

"You wouldn't dare," I replied, eyes still tightly shut.

"Talking in your sleep now, are you?" Reese said, laughing. "God, Mary, _get up!_"

"I had a very tiring night," I said, groaning.

"Really?" Reese said, rather coldly. "So did I. It was very tiring lying one the floor with your puke on my hand practically all night. "

"Oh God, I forgot," I said, my eyes snapping open, and hiding a laugh.

"Nice of you," she said.

"Sorry," I said.

"And the other thing," Reese said, ignoring me. "Is what the hell were you doing with Snivellus?"

"Don't call him Snivellus," I said automatically, and immediately regret it.

"So Lily was right! When she released us, I though..." Reese said in surprise. "So you are dating?"

"No!"

Cayenne and George are watching now, wide-eyed.

"Goodness," Cayenne said. "I just thought Lily had got the wrong end of the stick or something, that it was just a silly rumour..."

"It was!" I protest.

"You just told Reese not to call him Snivellus," George said. "Why would you say that if-."

"We were just friends..." I said weakly.

Another silence.

"With a Slytherin," Reese said icily. "Not only a Slytherin but the boy who betrayed someone who was supposed to be one of your best friends."

"That's not true," I said, but even as the words leave my mouth I know it's no good. When Reese says it like that, it sounds worse than it was. "We're not anymore," I said into the silence.

"I should hope not!" Reese burst out. "It's bad enough that you befriended someone like that... basically _a death eater_, but if you stayed friends after we found out..."

"Lily did!" I yelled. "Lily was friends with him...

"That was before it became so blatantly obvious that Snivellus was going to be a death eater," George said.

I torn between wanting to cry and wanting to hurt George for calling him that. "Shut up," I said, shaking. "Just shut up."

I slide off my bed with a thump, and run from the room, and nobody calls me back. I don't want to look in case they see how close I am to crying, but as I hesitate in the doorway, I see Reese shrug at the other two, and mutter something like, "oh well". Then, I slam the door, and the tears break and pour down my cheek, no matter how much I try to blink them away.


	33. Chapter 33

**James**

We started out slowly, you know, just small, funny pranks. I wanted to show her what we thought of her right from the start, but Remus insisted we didn't do anything to drastic. Yet.

"If she aplogises and everything," he said, with a shrug. "We'll stop, OK?"

"Well..."

"I mean it," Remus said.

"Fine then," I agreed. "But not till she aplogises. And I bet she won't."

Secretly, I was certain she wouldn't, but if she did, I had no intention at all of stopping at all.

"Anyway!" Remus said. "Forget about Mary and Snivellus for now, won't you? It's nearly full moon, remember?"

"What?" I cried. "Yeah, God, I utterly forgot, what with Lily finally falling for me, and the Mary and Snivellus drama."

"I've an idea," Sirius said, grinning. "Swap her pumpkin juice for _this_! It'll make her throw-up non stop."

"That's so immature," Remus said frowning, and we all burst out laughing.

"Acting the perfect prefect, are you?" Sirius said. "Going to give me detention?"

"He wants to... I can tell!" I laughed. "Or are you going to dock point for our immaturity?"

"Oh, no, of course not," Remus said rather grudgingly. "But, well, James you _are_ Head Boy."

"Whatever," I dismissed. "Lily doesn't mind anymore."

Remus sucked his lips in for a second, looking disapproving, then shrugged.

"I reckon it was better for you when Lily hated you."

"Hey! What d'you mean?" I asked, mildly stung.

"Well... her dating you has made you even more conceited," Remus said, keeping a straight face. I wasn't sure if he was teasing me or not. "Her hating you was the only thing which deflated your head. Maybe I should ask her to dump you...?"

"OY!"

* * *

Like she would anyway. Me and Lily were a couple, a real couple. As in we eat lunch together, well, when I didn't sit with my mates, who Lily still couldn't stand, and walked about hand in hand, and kissed in broom cupboards.

"I love you, Lily," I whispered, running a hand through her hair.

"I... love you too," she replied, but I notice the hesitation.

"Really, really?" I asked.

"Umm," Lily said, and pushed her lips into mine. I have the oddest feeling something's wrong.

"Potter!" Lily said suddenly, breaking away. "I mean, James!"

"What?" I asked.

"I was thinking about Mary," she said. "And... Severus."

A rush of anger overcomes me and I swallow. I hate them both.

"What about them?"

"Tell me!" she said. "What happened? When you found them together?"

"Oh," I said, and pause. I could tell Lily the truth and risk her deciding it's all a mistake, making up with Mary and worse still Snivellus, Snivellus could woo her, make her decide to dump me. Still it's important not to tell the truth in couples, isn't it?

Or:

"I opened a door, and I found them kissing," I said. "When they realised I was there, Mary tried to wipe my memory, but, I dodged... then McGonagall found us," I finished lamely.

It is _almost_ the truth.

"Oh," she said quietly. "I mean, if they're in love... they can't help it maybe I should talk to..."

"I haven't finished yet!" I pressed on, frightened. "Once we left McGonagall's, Sniv- Snape hexed me. It was a really dark hex too, I hadn't heard of it before and my back stung like crazy... and Mary just laughed!"

"Oh my," she said. "I can't believe Mary would... is your back OK now?"

"Yeah," I said, putting on a brave smile. "It's fine now."

But I wasn't fine. I couldn't shake away the feeling that I'd just done something bad, really bad.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: I'm doing pathetic thing-whatty in English, where the weather is like the characters emotions. I think it shows.**

**Mary**

I considered it. Again. It was humid, and the air seemed to stick to my skin as I sat there, I was sure that the air would be to thick for me to fall. But if I pushed away, if I jumped, then I was sure the air would crumple, and soar through my hair.

I think it would feel like flying, don't you? The moment when the air broke around you, rushing between your clothes, and you flung your head to the sky. The sky was too tired out for me to jump though. I like the idea of falling feeling like flying, but I think I was too coward.

Suicide, it's scary, way too scary. I love the danger in sitting here, on the railing, swinging my legs, but I couldn't jump.

Last time, remember, the wind blew my life to a gale. Now it's come to a stop, and I'm peering out, down to the wet mud beneath my feet.

I think of James. Irresistible. Smoking hot. Witty. Heart-snapping... what a funny phrase! I think my heart snapped, not broke, I don't know why.

Then Severus. Again, I couldn't explain it. Why does he get second place, before Lily, Reese, studying for the NEWTs? But he does, and thinking about my thoughts is stupid.

I wish I could just talk to him now. About how James has snapped my heart, about the rumours he spreading that me and Sev were shagging, about how he spilled ink over my coursework, how he put fireworks in my bag, swapped my pumpkin juice for... something horrible. It doesn't sound like a big deals, each thing he's- they've- done, but together... it's just starting to snap inside me. Really, really annoy.

About how I think that Lily is turning into one of James' bitches, giggling over his jokes, hanging off his arm, blushing.

About how I half-wish I was her, then I look again, and just think _no_.

Last time, I sat here Severus came and berated me about not caring about Lily. Perhaps, this time, I should leave and find him.

It only takes a few moments to come to a decision. I sweep my hair over my shoulder, and jump lightly down. Who cares about James, just for once? I've had enough. I want to talk to Sev, and if that pisses James off, who cares? He doesn't rule the world.

I'm starting to understand how Lily used to feel, when she hated James. Just a bit.

I spot James and Lily walking towards me at that moment, and I run round the balcony, and crouch there, looking round for an escape. I don't want to hear them, but it's either that or face them. I chose the cowards option earlier, I chose to stay invisible and fade away, and now again I take the cowards option. I wonder why I was put in Gryffindor. Considering the amount of time I seem to spend eavesdropping on James and Lily snogging, I would have done well in Slytherin. At least there my best friend and I would be able to chat.

"Do you ever think about just- y'know- jumping?" Lily voice cuts across my thought.

"...what?" James said. I can't see him, but I think he was gawping at Lily.

"Jumping," I hear Lily say, hear the sigh in her voice. I wonder if she was thinking like I was, suicide and scary stuff like that. It's frightening close to me, that urge to jump. I don't know why _Lily,_ perfect little Lily with her perfect red hair, and her perfect boyfriend would want to jump though. Maybe everyone does. That's depressing.

"Jumping?" James repeated. "What, like this?"

There was a loud thud, and Lily burst out laughing. I stuff a hand into my mouth too, to stop the sniggers. Lily is louder than me, luckily. I don't want to be found listening in on people again. Cautiously, I raise my head, and look around for some escape. There is a door I realise but it looks very creaky, and old. But whatever. Still crouched down, I ease it open, crawl down a few steps till I'm sure they won't be able to see me, and brake into a sprint. At the bottom of the stairs, I double up again, and giggle privately, brushing the muck from my robes.

I notice Remus then, God, everyone seems to be chasing after me, and dart away but he calls out. Reluctantly, I turn round.

"Yeah, Remus?" I asked

He looked vaguely embarrassed. "I just wanted to say sorry," he blurted. "For James and Sirius."

"Oh, right," I said, blinking. "They're your friends, aren't they?" I never really count Remus as James and Sirius' friends. Peter Pettigrew another, but they're both really just hangers-oners, from what I can see.

"Er... yes," he agreed. "So, I know they're giving you a hard time, so I thought I'd just say, you know, sorry for them. I mean-."

"Sorry isn't much help in life though," I said, slightly hopefully. Perhaps I can guilt Remus into changing their minds about me.

"Well, yeah I know," Remus said. "I wish they wouldn't. I honestly do, and I've talked to them... I'm sorry."

"You're not doing anything, though, are you?" I said.

"What do you mean?" Remus replied.

I looked at him.

"Are you saying 'you're not doing anything to help though,' or 'you're not doing anything, why are you aplogising'?" Remus explained.

I laughed. "The... second," I said, because it was the only thing I could say. "Well, 'fraid I have to go, Remus, I've got Muggle Studies now. I'll be late."

"Oh- sure," Remus said. "But- um-" he glanced for inspiration. "Have some chocolate?"

I hesitated. I didn't completely trust that the chocolate wasn't poisoned, but it smelt _delicious._ "Thanks," I said sheepishly. Taking it, I nibbled at it for a few moments, trying to grin at Remus, then pocketed it, when he wasn't looking, so I could savoir it.

"I really _do_ have to go now, though," I told him, trying to sound regretful. "Well, thanks for the chocolate. Bye."


End file.
